Pregnant with the wrong man.

[Yellowbaggreenbag]

I had recently come out of a long term relationship.While I was in that relationship I was under the impression I couldn’t have children from what my dr told me and having pcos. Wasn’t on anything the whole relationship of nearly (detail removed by moderator).
The relationship ended and met someone new. Everything seemed fine at first. Then came quick to realise he had a very bad drug problem and his mental health wasn’t good eaither – been sectioned and had overdosed (detail removed by moderator). Fell pregnant quickly (wasn’t trying eaither as didn’t think i could). I had to kick him out due to taking so many drugs he was walking round with a knife in the home while I was pregnant (detail removed by moderator). When he had gone I then got threats to burn the home down and that he hoped I would die. This was reported to the police.
Stupidly enough I helped him overcome the drugs and allowed him back into my home.

Now at (detail removed by moderator) weeks pregnant he slapped me across the face. We were laughing about and then he started to go too far where I had to try and tell him to stop but he wouldn’t and carried on which was then hurting me. I slapped him to stop – he then slapped me very hard. When he slapped me he broke my (detail removed by moderator) I had on and my face was still left with a red mark over an hour after he did it. He said it was my fault and that if someone slaps someone they should expect it back. Explained to him again that he was hurting me and wouldn’t stop that’s why I did it so he would stop.

He said he wants nothing todo with me or the baby now I’ve told him he must leave. Then (detail removed by moderator) says he only said that about the baby in anger and demands he will still see him and I won’t get in his way to prevent that.

The midwife ect is aware of what he is like and will be telling them about this recent incident. I hope they are able to help me ensure he can’t see him as know when he moves he will go back on the drugs aswel and if he’s able to slap me while heavily pregnant what would he do if I wasn’t or to the baby?

[ISOPeace]

I’m so sorry to hear this, it sounds terrible. I think if his name isn’t on the birth certificate he doesn’t have rights to access your baby. Please do check this as I’m not sure of the details. Please also speak to Women’s Aid for advice because there are things like non-molestation orders to keep him away from you.

Sadly, abuse tends to escalate when you are most vulnerable so abuse in pregnancy is common. Sounds crazy I know, but when you learn about abuse and how it is all about the abuser’s need to control you, it makes a bit more sense. The fact that he justified slapping you by you having slapped him is classic abuser blames victim behaviour. It shows that he is not taking responsibility for his actions and is very likely to do it again and maybe worse, since abuse usually gets worse.

You have been very brave to demand he leaves. I would recommend reading up on abuse so you can better understand what’s happening and what he might try to do to manipulate you into getting you to do what he wants. Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft is really good. You can read it free online.

Sending love to you and your baby xxxx

[Yellowbaggreenbag]

Thankyou for the reply, I really appreciate it.
I’m going to be speaking to my midwife about it and see what we can put in place.
Still waiting for him to leave but then will be looking to get things sorted further.
Just trying to keep thinking about the baby and positive things.

[ultimatelyStrong]

Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Keep the rest of your pregnancy completely private on social media etc so he doesn’t know when you’ve given birth. Register baby without him named. Please, please protect yourself and your child from this man. Start fresh just you and your baby. Couple years and it can be a distant memory. You can do it xx

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