Preparing children for contact

[Strube]

I have been fighting a contact application from my ex for a *very* long time. Our children are young and one of them has ptsd as a result of the abuse inflicted upon me by their father. I wish I could explain more about our case as it is very complicated, however, various professionals involved in our case suggest that no contact with their father is the only option and in the best interests of the children. However, for reasons I cannot go into, my ex has been allowed to pursue this through the courts and it would seem he will eventually be having some sort of contact with our children.

I am fearful for the saftey of our children, both physically and mentally, as this man is very dangerous and manipulative. It is very obvious to me and others involved in our case that he is using the family court system as a further means of control and intimidation.

I feel as though I have let our children down. I’m the person who is supposed to keep them safe and although I have fought a strong battle, I can longer protect them.

How can I prepare our children for contact with their father when they are both terrified of him and refuse to see him?

[KIP.]

Hello, I just wanted to send you a hug and tell you I read your post. My son is grown up although my ex still tries to use him. The NSPCC have been very helpful to ladies with children in similar circumstances, they have a helpline, and also contacting your local MP for their support. It pays to shout loudest. You have to stay strong and keep battling, I know it’s not much advice but keep speaking up. If you have any contact with your ex, log or record everything secretly. You will need as much hard evidence as you can. If he gets enough rope he will finally hang himself. Keep posting. I’m sure other ladies will have some advice too❤️

[Lisa]

Hi Strube,

I am really sorry to hear of the difficult situation that you are in. Child contact can be really terrible for women who have suffered domestic abuse, especially when their children are being forced to see the very person who has caused the family such distress. Are you in touch with your local Women’s Aid group or have you spoken to a domestic abuse specialist? I am just wondering whether you have spoken to an organisation that fully understand what you have been through and can maybe can offer support or information to you on the specifics of this case.

You need to remember that you are doing everything you can with your children’s best interests at heart. You have not let them down but quite the opposite. Sometimes with child contact issues it is not always possible to do what you know is right but you have to try and deal with the situation you have been faced instead by the courts. You sound like a wonderful mum and I’m sure your children know that.

Best wishes

Lisa

[Strube]

Hi

I’m not in touch with my local women’s aid group or a da specialist as I’m not sure there is much they can do to help.

I really feel that my children and I have been let down by the courts and agencies involved in our case.

Despite documented evidence of his abuse going back years, I have been accused of parental alienation.

I am distraught. For 2 days I have been unable to function properly because the stress of the legal proceedings is breaking me down.

I am sure the courts believe his lies and because of this I wonder if there is much point in continuing to fight for the safety of our children.

I’m sorry for being so negative. I have tried very hard to stay positive but it gets harder every day.

Please don’t mistake my fear for arrogance when I say that he will not leave me alone…ever. I can’t spend the rest of my life being controlled by him and watching our children suffer. I would rather be dead. The only reason I am not already is because our children.

I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore and my hope is gone.

[Author]

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