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As I wrote on here, my partner was removed by the police on (detail removed by moderator). He’s at his mum’s and already she’s pressuring me to let him home, saying she’s (detail removed by moderator), had a hard year, etc. He’s had treatment for his drinking and has pretty much stopped, with the odd lapse. He starts treatment for ptsd this week, so is doing all the right things. Is it unreasonable not to want him home until he’s finished his treatment and then only a phased return, if I want him back at all?
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This is so hard. I wish I could have him home, but we’d just be back to square one in no time. I just feel so miserable. I lived on my own until I met him at aged (detail removed by moderator), so I know I can do this, but right now, I’m struggling.
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Please please don’t take him back. Zero contact with him and anyone related to him is the only way to stop the manipulation. It’s not the alcohol that causes domestic abuse it’s the person. Many men drink and do not abuse. It’s a tactic to blame alcohol. Also, ask yourself if he abuses anyone else they way he abuses you. Does he abuse you in public. These men can control their anger and temper when they chooses to. I remember defending my abusers, he has a stressful job. Well why doesn’t he abuse his boss. He has anger management problems. Well why is he only angry when the door is closed. He has a drinking problem. Lots of men drink but do not abuse. I have PTSD but I would never abuse anybody. Abuse is a choice and he chooses to abuse you. He won’t change and it will get worse. If you take him back he will punish you for,this and you just won’t see it coming. Loving him won’t make the abuse stop. It will only destroy you on a deeper level. It’s a tough time in the beginning but none of this is your fault. Concentrate on yourself and try to distract yourself by doing things you enjoy. Pamper yourself. Look after yourself x
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Would second KIP. You have done really well, drawing your boundaries like this. It gets easier with time, it really does. There will be lonely moments but it seems to be a case of filling these with more meangingul interactions, friendship and as KIP says caring for yourself.
not always easy for the likes of those who have been abused
all best
ftc
x
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