Pretending to hit me

[Lovecoffee]

Is it abuse to pretend to hit someone but not actually hit them?

Like if I’m annoying him he will pretend to punch me. He will get close but not close enough to actually hit. Is this abuse? Is it the first step before he actually starts hitting me??

[Anonymous]

I would say so. Can you get somewhere safely before it becomes a real punch? If you love someone you don’t pretend to hit them.

And you annoy him enough for him to do this? Serious red flag. Gets you used to the idea that you deserve to be punished, then gets you used to the idea of being hit, then…

[Strongenough]

Hi Lovecoffee,

I think this is a red flag. My abusive ex used to do the same in the early days of our relationship. When I look back he was trying to assert his dominance over me even then, he liked me to know he could really hurt me if he wanted to. Stay Safe x

[Bananaboat]

It’s intimidating behaviour designed to scare you, he might progress to actual violence or he might not if this behaviour gives him what he wants. The risk is ‘how easy’ would it be for him to land that punch then try to cover it saying he was joking and maybe slipped. If his behaviour scares you and is done to control you then it’s a big concern lovely x

[Lottieblue]

In law it is assault, so definitely abuse.

[Grey Rock]

If you did the same thing to someone (a child or elderly person for example) who irritated you on a bus, would it get you in trouble?

Of course it would. Because it is threatening and abusive.

All part of controlling and coercive behaviour.

My ex used to refer to ‘training’ people. When we got a dog I could see clearly how he treated (trained) both of us the sane way. She was better than me though – at least she growled at him. It meant she got sent away rather than having to escape. (Detail removed by moderator). (I hope she’s happy as well now).

And I hope that you will manage to get away one way or the other too. These men don’t change.

Take care lovely lady.

GR x

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