Processing todays events. Men are they all the same? Its a reason why I stay

[Chocolatebunnie]

Processing today’s events, its been a very traumatic day. I have posted in the family abuse section.

Throughout my life I have met men, they are all the same.

My Dad, friends, boyfriends, husband.

I dont know any different and I have never attracted anyone else.

I sometimes believe I am the problem because I see abusive men wherever I go.

I watch men when I am about and I dont trust them, they are all abusive and the same.

So I stay, as its better the devil you know, theres no surprises, and it could be worse.

But I would love to meet a man who is genuine, who can love and be kind, honest, normal. Im not nieve, I know you have to work at things but not like this.

I know you dont jump out of a relationship and into another, before now I always did.

But Im scared that this is it, but Im scared that if I leave I will just meet another abuser, no matter how long I leave it or how little as from what I have experienced they are all the same.

I cant even have a conversation with a man, without being uncomfortable or shying away even this is a trigger and I have to pretend to cope or just dont bother.

Be lovely to hear something positive at the end of a very not so positive day

[swanlake]

I’m now married to a lovely man and have a non scary male boss. I’ve recently started (detail removed by moderator) in a mixed group and the men seem quite nice! I was going to say that they work in caring professions but abusers can be found in all industries.
I used to be wary of all men but there are some reasonable men out there.

[minimeerkat]

because of an abusive upbringing, we can be like a magnet to the same type of people – be it intimate relationships, friendships etc. its our normal & all we have ever known
it is only when we are away from any toxicity that we can begin to build our self worth, & its then that we will begin to attract the good people into our lives. and even if we did at times come across an abusive type we would absolutely run a mile, because we now value ourselves – we know that we are worthy

you have never been the problem, its just that people will sense how little you value yourself – somehow this can be so obvious to others no matter how hard we try to disguise it
whether it was a family member or partner that was abusive, how they treated you says everything about who they are – it was never ever your fault or that you werent good enough
so hoping that very slowly each day you begin to question any worthlessness you may feel, & start to see the actual truth of who you really are x

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

A thought here. What about setting up on your own for a while – if you have not already? Taking a break from men for a while?

Get to a space where men sit there but you are not dating etc.

I can judge now unacceptable and acceptable behaviour.

[Better-days]

Hi CB I have been with two abusive men the one I’m still in this with so like u I think I attract them but I can promise u then men are not all the same my dad would never even raise his voice to my mum. My friend has just split from her husband because he cheated and we spoke the other day and she said it’s very hard although he done that and they r no longer together she said like he would never have spoke to me disrespectful or called me anything or raise his voice I was shocked as I did think also most men do.

[Author]

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