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    • #111290
      1hotcoffee1
      Participant

      I’m aware that abusive people are just that.. abusive, regardless of their job etc. but has anyone experienced abuse from a counselling professional? Not someone who is supposed to be counselling you personally, but from a partner who’s profession is of a counselling nature?

    • #111440
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi 1hotcoffee1

      I just wanted to show you some support. I am sure their are women who are experiencing abuse in a similar situation to you.

      Please keep posting

      Lisa

    • #111471
      Camel
      Participant

      Interesting question. No, I haven’t personally experienced this but it wouldn’t surprise me. Not when there are killer doctors (Shipman), angels of death (Allit) and so-called carers who steal from handbags (countless examples.)

    • #111495
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I haven’t witnessed it myself but have heard about an abusive man who was a counsellor.`He was emotionally abusive towards his wife. Abusers are in all walks of life including the caring professions.

      My counsellor was an enabler “flying monkey” for my ex. She told him that his abuse towards one of my children was him making “parenting mistakes”. She also told him that I had no evidence that would stand up in a court of law, (she was wrong) and that although he had done some abusive things, he wasn’t a bad man. She empowered him and his abuse escalated immediately after that session had taken place. So yes, counsellors can be abusive and they can also be enablers of abuse and actively encourage it.

      • #111521
        Balloons
        Participant

        Eggshells, I had almost exactly the same experience regarding counselling and my ex. After years of pleading I finally persuaded him to go to marriage counselling and what a mistake that was! He’s never been so bolstered in all his life. And she was supposed to be trained in domestic abuse??!!!

    • #111508
      1hotcoffee1
      Participant

      @Eggshells

      Its the level of manipulation and mind bending that i found so very confusing and mind muddling, im just out of it all, but still trying to make sense of it all, which i know is futile, as in his eyes he is the victim, there is nothing i can do to change that. I think once this is all over i will spend less time thinking and over thinking and re running arguments in my head. It’s also the not knowing… i have a hearing soon and since no contact i have no idea what he is going to say or even if he will attend. The build up to the hearing is me running through different senarios in my head, will he say this, will he say that, is it even relevant etc…. Just one big, overthinking mess right now, constantly fighting battles in my own mind, but then trying to bat the thoughts away as they are not helpful, it’s all just very draining.

      Thank you for your words 🙂

      • #111522
        Balloons
        Participant

        Hi 1hotcoffee1, I can totally sympathise with you. I’m in a very similar position at the moment too regarding hearings etc. It is so difficult to know what to do, or to stop thinking or worrying about it all. I’m not sure of the details of your situation, but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in it. XX

    • #111528
      1hotcoffee1
      Participant

      Hi Balloons… it’s so draining, I’m currently staying with a friend, he won’t leave my house, the house I own! It’s an occupational hearing, it’s so tiring and my emotions are all over the place, today was angry day with a side of frustration at the complete unfairness of it all and (detail removed by moderator).

      Thank you for your kind words, how are you dealing with it all, do you have any tips? Xx

      • #111548
        Balloons
        Participant

        Just taking each day as it comes. I find the more people I talk to the better I tend to feel – ask everyone for advice, tell everyone the situation. After years of keeping everything a secret and feeling worried that I was making it all up or just being over sensitive, or feeling like I would be betraying him by talking, it’s liberating to finally be heard. Not everyone gets it, and some (very few I have to add) seem to just make me feel more doubtful, but it only takes a couple of people to see things for what they are to really make a huge difference. The more support you can get the better.

        I have up days and down days, and I do find it hard to really focus all my thoughts into useful actions – but I’m trying to take the view that every little bit helps. I hope your hearings go well, and that you can finally move on from all this xx

    • #111564
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hugs to you both. I hope the hearings go well. xx

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