Progress

[Serenity]

I replied to a post by PP today, as it chimed with me, and said I feel I have made some dramatic progress.

I think that my ex ( and many abusers) abuse because they aren’t at peace, because they are fighting the demons of extreme jealousy, envy and even hatred.

They don’t admit it. Instead, they try to make out that we are the problem, that we aren’t enough, that we deserve abuse and that we don’t enjoy to have peace or to taste the beautiful things in life.

We believe them because they are very clever at manipulating people, at getting people to believe that hat they want and to do what hat they want. They are unrelenting in this purpose, and can go on for years; which is why we end up wrecks, because we have been worn down so much over time. They are experts at brainwashing: they truly make us believe that we are undeserving. They do this by criticising everything we do and everything we are- either overtly or covertly ( the covert can be very damaging- as it is so insidious). We might not be aware of it, but our whole self-belief changes. We have been made to feel that we aren’t allowed happiness, that our whole life must revolve around making them happy, filling the healing hole in them that can, actually, never be filled.

I think this is why I allowed my ex to financially abuse me so badly ( as well as abuse me in a myriad of other ways) : apart from making out he was better at figures and sums ( a foil to take abusive control), he made me feel guilty, eventually, for having anything.

I am very honest ( probably my guilt-inducing Catholic upbringing!) and cannot lie, so when I began to earn more money, rather to ham hide it away or save it, as I was aware underneath it all that he was ( I think I was in denial about that), I spent it on improving the house where he would not, or even began buying him more expensive cuts of meat! ( Barmy, I know, especially as I am a vegetarian!)Whet was I thinking?!

I was brainwashed so much into thinking I was undeserving! I even let him take half my earnings- and didn’t think I was entitled to ask him about his finances!

Anyway, this is a positive post. Because I have made progress in coming to see that, was bough I am not perfect, I am entitled to be happy and at peace and to enjoy the delightful things in life!

Even a Catholic priest I knew – was ho was very kind and very wise- once said to me I should be on top of the world every day! My belief that hag I deserved to suffer was wrong.

I think my ex found ready fertile soul in me. I had already had to fight against people in my life thinking about her they were entitled to destroy my peace and happiness. I had gone abroad to escape this and unfortunately so met him, and it wasn’t hard for that fragile belief to be swayed again.

But nowI curiously believe it! It’s taken me (detail removed by moderator)years for this truth to truly sink in, although I do remember exclaiming to the judge, when I was it entreating him to uphold the non-mol order, that ‘I was entitled to peace in my life.’

I wanted to emphasise to all you ladies that you are entitled to peace and joy. It’s not self-indulgent. That is the voice of your abuser speaking – the voice of jealousy and envy, masquerading as truth. It can take a long time to heal from abuse, simply because it can take a long time to get back to the essential belief that is needed if we are to return to happiness and health- that we are deserving. 🌺

[Healthyarchive]

Thanks for this lovely post Sereneity. I am so glad that I am out of my own toxic relationship. There is no need for us bright women to live in such horrible circumstances. Once away from the abuser your thinking becomes so much different. I have decided that I need to read up more on Trauma Bonding and the lack of closure you receive from a n********t as these things are a bit of a problem for me. But yes, life is filled with opportunity, goals and happy plans to be made. I had a lovely lay in this morning following a night of dreams which always seem to be cleansing and therapeutic. I suspect that on top of treating me like worthless rubbish my ex might have been starting to cheat on me, but wanted to keep me on the boil to be used accordingly. I would never have put up with that.

[Nova]

Thanks ladies Serenity that’s a very powerful post, uplifting words we are entitled to happiness, fun times, the good things in life & security love & positivity all around 😊

& I agree they are messed up riddled with disorder & dysfunction…lets hand that all back to them…so we can be free to be ourselves in peace with many more brighter days ahead. 🌸

Hugs xx

[Author]

Posts