Proof

[Helphelphelp]

My ex left, discarded me (detail removed by Moderator) ago, hoovered me on many occasions then discarded me again, I know, my fault. The last few times he has gotten in touch he has given the reason he hasn’t stayed is due to the fact I’ve proof of his abuse and he feels just my having it is used or could be used as a hold over him. It’s not, here or not I have it as I truly don’t know what to expect from him from one day to the next, he obvs doesn’t want anyone seeing the real him in action, I’ve questioned why I keep it, wondering is it to use to get back at him, but if I’m 100% honest it’s not, it’s simply because you never really know where you are with him, one day it’s all back on and he says we have been terrible to each other, then after weeks of lovely and normal he says that’s it can’t do it, leaving me in shock upset and once again not knowing what the real truth to him is. So I keep them I think because if he does want to pull me apart or hurt me in what ever way, that someone who has a brain could see for sure that he is trying to get me to the end of my tether. I can not get for the life of me why anyone would waste their time to show live and care say things they want only to walk away as if you are nothing. I did get in touch with police and try to explain how they work but was told I don’t think it’s anything he could get into trouble for. But when I look up what emotional abuse is, it says if they know you are being made unwell, ill, which he does, if they know you can’t work due to your mental state, if they have been told and can see you are suffering due to what they are doing than it’s cohesive abuse. I’m lost but I will not delete what I have, it’s all I have to prove that the calm soft person he likes everyone to think he is is a fake, and spiteful on another level. Does anyone know what I mean and am I bad for keeping what I have. I do wish I had someone who could see hear all I have and tell me IF I did show it all I would be right in assuming he would like me to self destruct due to what he is doing. I even get nervous writing on here because I hear what I’m saying but still don’t know why I’m treated as if I can cope forever being picked up and dropped as and when, then feeling pathetic and ridiculous that I’ve not just answered my own question. Can anyone read between the lines and even get what I’m on about.

[Helphelphelp]

Think I put this on the wrong part.

[KIP.]

One hundred percent keep that evidence. That’s your gut telling you he’s a liar and will deny everything and blame you. Google the cycle of abuse and contact your local women’s aid. I’d also talk to the domestic abuse unit at the police and let them hear your evidence. He’s worried because it will incriminate him. He may be able to manipulate you with fear Obligation and guilt but he won’t be able to do the same with the police.

[Helphelphelp]

Thank you KIP wasn’t sure anyone would understand all that, my mind is all over the place. I felt stupid after I spoke to the police, they acted as if I was a 14 year old school girl telling tales and it was nothing. Thank you x

[Camel]

Hi Help, I agree with KIP. Keep the evidence. If you can, keep it in lots of places. You know deep down that you have kept this proof for a reason.

It sounds like you’re still attached to your abuser. However you are also beginning to detach from him. You don’t need the police to confirm that he is an abuser before you can get away. If you feel uncomfortable, unhappy, off balance – this is enough. I think it would help you to talk to a Women’s Aid counsellor. Especially as the police failed to support you. Sadly they’re not all up to speed on the new legislation regarding coercion and control.

[Helphelphelp]

Hi Camel
Thank you for your message, yes I was hoovered and hoovered a bit more then treated like the worse person on earth, just after my dog was put to sleep. Nice isn’t he.

[fizzylem]

Course keep it. Also call Victim support and talk it through with them, it’s anonymous so you can talk openly and freely, they offer emotional support but can also tell you your options.

He’s not committed to you; his hot and cold behaviour, this relationship is not working for you, draw a line, empower yourself and walk away for good. You want someone that can be dependable, that loves and respects you through good and hard times, that’s consistant so you know where you stand, someone that doesn’t lose his temper and attacks you, someone with emotional intelligence.

Emotional abuse is not a crime no, it should be though, I’ve seen it reported somewhere that a lot of women who are emotionally abused and also beaten to a pulp, say they could take the beatings, but its the emotional abuse that really destroyed them.

Psychical abuse, assault, coercive and controlling behaviour, stalking, harassment, threatening and intimating behaviour, rape, sexual abuse and financial abuse are all punishable crimes. It maybe that the emotional abuse evidence you have, grouped together with more patterns in his behaviour and how you feel, and other evidence you gather, like police and GP records – would mean that there is a case for one of the above punishable crimes.

Something I have learnt is that each incident seems to be one more peice of evidence for a long time. I think right, this is it now, this time he’s really shot himself, but no, it requires a lot of evidence and a number of incidents, unless there is one really severe incident of course form the list above.

Call the police and get each incident logged, and speak with your GP, WA will also keep notes on any phone call you make to the helpline and you can request these if ever you need them. Pull in as much support as you can; and get rid of him, while your wasting your time with him your esteem is taking one kick after another and you’re not available to those people who will love and respect you for being you either, those you know and those yet to be known to you as well x

[Helphelphelp]

Thank you for replying, I’m going to keep all proof and I’m going to try and write out all the events that have happened to keep a log of what has gone on, it’s affected me so badly I don’t feel like I’m me anymore and I’m full of anxiety. Thank you so much for your advice and kindness xx

[Author]

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