6th February 2016 at 5:45 am #9143formyson16Participant
Hi. Dad is using contact as a means to harming and distressing me emotionally. He is coaching professionals. Will not allow my son to talk to me properly on the phone with me. Tells him to hang up. He has to go now. Etc. (Detail removed by Moderator) For the welfare of my son. Only (Detail removed by Moderator). Needs to be I touch with me. Lived with me over (Detail removed by Moderator) years. We are very close. Had no man living with us. He wants to but when we tried with a partner last time I was bullied , verbally and emotionally abused. I can never get back with.that person again. I have to remind him of this.
In (Detail removed by Moderator) police had referred my calls reporting dad drink driving and a referral was made to social services as child at risk. I had a call asking why I hadn’t stopped contact. I told her I was scarred of saying to dad etc. She told me to stop. If I smelt it again but this has gone against me.
A social worker had been allocated to me to investigate my concerns of dad’s drinking during contact. Told I was to carry on allowing contact but then a duty worker from (Detail removed by Moderator) told me to stop contact! I have asked the worker to get in touch with the duty one in (Detail removed by Moderator) and she won’t and has put a hold on at the main office to stop me getting the info. I am going to have to apply for my records again.my friend text dad saying that social advised to stop contact so dad rang up school dictating he collect our son. Despite social and said that he was going to report me to police. Get me arrested and get my son. Nobody was going to stop him apart from the magistrates. I thought he was going to hurt me or.my son and was very upset so went to social office with friend and told them about the text. They rang the school and told them not to allow dad to take our child. And me collect him early. We went to stay at my sisters out of town. A week later. Social services still said contact should go ahead . The social worker a pointed has still not investigated dad. It’s been (Detail removed by Moderator) months now.
Last week dad told me to distress me a gin. (Detail removed by Moderator) This made me distressed and I am still worried that he is going to kidnapp him or harm him. Since I didn’t know his address and still have no document proving it is the right one and the correct date. My son tells me where he’s been but nothing more. He’s been stopped by dad.
(Detail removed by Moderator) So really I have three times he has deliberately tried to mentally abuse me. Would this stand up as evidence with the police and could I go to them about supporting me and my child without physical proof he has harmed me in past. Except police statement and record. And a recorded phone calline ? Now coercive behaviour is a crime?
6th February 2016 at 8:33 pm #9194LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting. I hope you find the forum a supportive place. As already suggested on one of your other posts, calling the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247) would be beneficial to discuss your circumstances and the options available to you. They can also signpost you to your local support group and other useful organisations. The Helpline can be a busy service but there is a voicemail available to request a callback if you are unable to get through to a Helpline Worker.
Another organisation that might be helpful to you is the Rights of Women. They offer free and confidential legal advice, you can find their details here.
Keep posting when you can.
7th February 2016 at 8:05 am #9227SilkyHalideParticipant
Hi formyson 16
I’m in similar position as you it sounds but not long separated and no alcohol involved. The making me look bad and making my two teens feel like they should take dads side and feel subcon fear of not taking dads side.
I recommend the National Domestic Violence line Lisa suggested.
I am waiting for a first face to face meeting with my assigned worker but the phone help has been very reassuring.
He’s trying to control everything he can still keep a grip on and unfortunately the children are the hardest thing to deal with. Money and joint assets can only be manipulated up to a point. He will keep finding ways to manipulate the children and I never want to stop them having the best relationship they can with him as well as me.
The other advice I would give is try to relax and take a step back. Focus on you as getting you right will give your son strength in the end.
Recommend A book The alienated mother by Jenna Brooks it is a bit scarey and it says there is nothing you can do specifically to win back your child but
it sounds like you have had quality time with your son so he does know inside he needs you and he will find the strength to contact you. Mine have not had any length of sustained positive contact with me to counter the image he creates of me, but some visits I think I’m making progress.
It seems from what I hear and read if the system sees a woman desperately pushing for showing how bad dad is they assume the same stance as dad, that you are the crazy one. So the advice in the book meant I could demonstrate to the system I was the calm and rational one. Let him be the one scrabbling to try and keep control as I’m guessing but it sounds like your son is old enough to figure it out in the end too. Xx
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