Proving coercive control is difficult…

[Dwrne]

I am new here, I fled an abusive partner back in (detail removed by Moderator), he physically assaulted me for the last time and was arrested for (detail removed by Moderator). I was told, (detail removed by Moderator) weeks after his arrest, by the police, that I needed to “manage my expectations” because “proving Coercive Control is difficult.”

My reply to them… “It will be if you don’t collect the evidence, that is clearly there…”

And this is where my journey with the police really began…

[Marmalade]

Hi Dwrne,
Welcome to the forum. I saw this and had to respond as I really hear you.
Firstly the moderators will delete anything that refers to a specific court case so be careful to keep your post non specific.
There are mixed views on this forum about police. Some women have positive experiences, especially dealing with physical assault, many have been left appalled.
I left a serious coercive controlling relationship. I reported. I had a lot of evidence. I naively thought the police would be interested, would look at/gather evidence and do their job. I had a very big reality check. Coercive control is hard work and takes time to investigate and my experience is that police are not interested and treat victims with utter contempt (others may have a more positive experience in other forces possibly?? ) There was absolutely no training, understanding nor compassion in my force. It was an horrific experience. It was like another form of abuse. I had a choice to give up or fight and I have fought tooth and nail to be taken seriously and to hold people to account. There is also the cover up culture to consider where officers protect their own.
I am truly sorry you are on this path. I wish you strength and tenacity because you will need both.
The popular line promoted by police in the press that they encourage coercive control reports and assist victims is, in my experience, a cruel myth. It is no wonder the conviction rates are so abismal.
I wish you all the luck in the world and understand.

[Venusjune]

Hi Ladies,

I hear you. My abusive ex-partner is a serving police officer and I can relate to Marmalade in regards to the cover-up culture and the police protecting their own. I have fist-hand experience of this after reporting my ex for controlling and coercive behaviour to the force he was employed and being met with contempt, judgement, discrimination, bias and misogyny. (detail removed by moderator) Victims and survivors are being failed daily.

V❤

[StrongLife]

The police did very little for myself. I was not provided assistance and once blamed for what was happening. It is still happening…. So difficult and added to the trauma.

They could have provided so much help to me but instead came over, did nothing most times and left… that is if they turned up at all.

I could go on here about police. Even today it’s no better I feel.

[Author]

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