PTSD

[KIP.]

“Like being chained to a sleeping wolf”
I’ve been diagnosed with complex PTSD which I’m sure a lot of survivors are going through even if you don’t recognise it. Lately I’ve been really exhausted. Having to sleep in the afternoon. It’s taken me a long time to link the exhaustion with the aftermath of triggers. Because triggers cause anxiety which produces adrenaline but for every spike of adrenaline, eventually you have to come down from that spike. Often crashing down. It used to be I crashed almost right after a trigger. Now it can take days to catch up with me. For me PTSD is also cyclical. I read this recently which just confirms what I knew all along. Just like the cycle of an abusive relationship. It’s a familiar pattern. Good news is there’s help out there if you have the energy to find it. My help came from a local charity, and much more research is now being done on trauma and even the governments justice and health ministers are recognising the damage done and are investing in trauma research and education. Just thought I’d share in case anyone else is struggling. It does get better but Knowledge Is Power x KIP

[gladtobefree]

Hi KIP

I remember I found an article years ago and it made a lot of sense to me in regards to my mental health. As I’ve been in more than one abusive relationship and if I’m honest my life has been a bit of a battle ever since I can remember.
I read about the come down after an abusive relationship which stated in short that months after we have got out of the situation we will feel depressed when it’s actually the adrenaline leaving our body from the abuse. All the time we are in a high anxiety or stressful situation we have that adrenaline and then like you say, we come crashing down. I had a mental breakdown long after I had got out of an abusive relationship and was in fact in a settled new relationship. I had no idea why I was feeling like I did and then read about it and it all made more sense xx

[KIP.]

It’s the not knowing what’s happening that’s damaging. If we can understand our body’s reaction then it helps a lot x

[Anonymous]

I got diagnosed with PTSD a while after I got out. Unfortunately, the help I was offered was next to useless.

I’ve had to get to a suicidal point for medical professionals to properly listen to what has happened and is happening to me.

With the NHS, I think help is available, even if slow.

[diymum@1]

the nhs do offer really good support and some local charities – i hope the government starts to pump some money in to the therapy thats needed. im not sure if i have PTSD but i can relate to the months post separation – i just felt so devastated and wasnt sure if i had a break down. i believed for many years after this was my reaction to the relationship ending and me being so frightened off being alone. after reading this i see now what i was going through – i never thought of it like this before. its actually quite comforting. that time in my life is very hard to recollect – i can only remember snipits not sure if that is normal xxxx

[gladtobefree]

I have learnt over the years to allow myself to be human. I think we so often feel different, down, angry and so many more emotionals that it’s natural to want to know why. I have self analysed for so long and it has helped to get me to a stage where I accept that I have bad days or even weeks and then better and good times. I don’t always know why I feel like it or what has triggered it so I just try and accept that is how I am feeling and know it will pass. Having a serious breakdown has also given me the insight that it does pass. When I was in a bad place mentally, I couldn’t see how I would ever feel better but I did and that is what I remind myself when I feel like I’m not in a good place mentally. Having recently had a baby I knew that my hormones would be a hurdle and they are as they have always been. Being busy is always what has helped me and my doctor advised me when I was a teenager, to always keep busy and he was right so now that I am at home more and not working I do find myself getting anxious and more stressed at times but I feel so grateful that I had the chance to be a Mummy again after being told it wasn’t possible and having a large age gap with my children, I am trying to look at all the positive things and realise that on the one hand things have been awful and on the other I have my beautiful children xx

[KIP.]

Being busy is okay short term but if you don’t deal with the trauma then it comes back to bite when we least expect it. Good counselling I think is needed to clear the trauma we hold deep down x

[gladtobefree]

I think everyone is different
I hated counselling and it made me feel depressed. I was always very aware of what had happened to me years ago. I do agree to a point though because it has left with me anxiety. It’s just the going over stuff that made me feel agitated. Maybe the right counselling is key. I had a lovely lady not so long ago and I enjoyed chatting to her but any other counselling I tried did not help at all. I haf group councelling a long time ago and I disliked it so much. I think focusing on your own goals is really important. I think having people you can relate to also really helps. To know we are not alone. I’ve always been a bit of a loner so maybe that’s why it didn’t help me and I know lots of people that benefited from counselling. I certainly benefit from being active and getting that release of happy hormones. I love gardening so when I am not feeling great, I like to try and get outside and do some gardening (it’s my happy place). The hurdle is that when you feel down you have to have the motivation to do anything and that can be so difficult xx

[AlwaysSorry]

“It’s the not knowing what’s happening that’s damaging. If we can understand our body’s reaction then it helps a lot x”

This. I feel this is so spot on. I haven’t been diagnosed, I have an assessment in the coming week. Being able to put a word on what is happening to me, is probably one of the most calming things there is. I’ve used this forum a lot to come and ask if things I was experiencing were normal and was always met with reassurance that helped a lot. If I am diagnosed with PTSD or anything else for that matter, I feel that is a starting point to get access to perhaps better help, better suited counselling and at the very least being able to say to myself this is what is happening to me and it’s normal.

I kept busy throughout my entire relationship with my ex apart from 2x 2 weeks of sick leave. Those were some of the worst weeks because work wasn’t there to block out the abuse for 8-10 hours a day. I think I used being busy as a survival mechanism and now that I have been told I am unfit to work and have been ever since the last assault, I am not so sure if having kept busy would have helped me further or if in fact it just prevented me from having this breakdown (?) earlier. Perhaps it works for some, for me I think it just postponed when I finally broke and I think I would have broken eventually anyway. It was just a matter of time.

[gladtobefree]

When I had problems in my relationships I always found that other anxieties I had were not at the surface. Being pre occupied with the turmoil kept my mind off of other things and what a horrible existence that is. I always wished to be someone who could sit down and relax and enjoy my own company and I never used to be able to. As the years have gone by, I do quite like my own company or more so just it being me and my children. The thought of being in another relationship makes me feel exhausted. I think I was so used to heartache and upset that when it wasn’t there I felt like I didn’t know how to deal with it. My Dad always used to say that I couldn’t cope with being happy and I do understand what he meant. Being too used to that life can make it difficult to adjust to a calmer environment.
When I’m home, I quite often sit in silence now and don’t like the tv on very often. I wonder if it’s me just enjoying the calm now. When I say about keeping busy I generally mean being active physically. It is good for you if you can find the motivation to even start. I used to think all that was rubbish until I started jogging (I can’t run very well haha) it made my mind clearer. I also volunteered at a day centre for people with disabilities and found it so rewarding xx

[Twisted Sister]

‘chained to a sleeping wolf’

Well, that does sum it up pretty well, doesnt it.

Like its always there to ravage you when disturbed/awoken, describes it perfectly.

Theres no escape.

A huge part of it is to understand it; not understanding whats happening on top of whats happening is terror on top of terror.

Engaging the thinking brain again in understanding what its doing and why it’s happening is key to getting your brain back, along with getting your ‘noticing’ brain to help you out in starting to notice what the triggers are. As once you notice whats happening you brain gets a moment to decide.

Without that its straight into react, freeze, fight, flight.

Imperative to get your brain available to you again! So few really understand it.

Trauma, ptsd, how to explain and aid understanding for sufferers.

Warmest wishes all

TS

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