PTSD and Nightmares

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I’m just venting my pain on this site as I have no one to talk to. My family are way past it as to them it was a significant amount of years ago so surely I should be over it.

Every night I dream about my ex. Last night was pretty realistic and this is when it affects my day. I dreamt he was in my home (a home I fled to and he doesnt know exists). We was cooking side by side and I could feel that gut wrenching terror inside me. In my dream I’m desperately trying to think of ways to safely leave the kitchen without irritating him. Whilst he skulks around me like a bad spirit. My ex when he used to turn violent would literally have a Jekyll and Hyde look about him. His face would change and his eyes would darken. This was how he was last night in my dream. The most scary part was he was saying out loud what he was going to do to me but also acting somewhat pleasant. This is just one dream. I’m going to counselling and I feel like I’ve just opened pandoras box as I feel I didn’t realise how much abuse there was. I’ve recently realised that my ex was and is a rapist. For years I have blocked it out. And this is the first time I’ve openly admitted it to myself. It still hurts when I do and I’m sure I’ll convince myself later that it was not rape, but I’m writing it now. I just needed to use this platform to vent as when I bottle it up I feel extremely low.

[hop]

This is exactly what happens to me. It’s like living two lives the one when you’re awake and then a parallel one at night. One which takes over in the day because of the emotional roller-coaster you’re constantly on. You need to tell thee gp. Sleeping tablets help you get a bit of respite. You need to ask your counsellor about trauma therapy. I have emdr and I have every faith that it is the key to me overcoming this. Also there’s a book “the body keeps the score” it could really help you.
You’re so brave being able to say what you’ve said. You’re taking great steps and you need to keep going.
I still find it hard to admit an awful crime has been committed on me so I understand how hard that was for you. You should feel really proud of yourself.
I’m sorry if I’ve come across dead bossy but honestly there are ways to get the nightmares under control x*x

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