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I tried to write here a few times but something was holding me back. I was thinking that maybe I was exaggerating something. We are married for (detail removed by Moderator) years, we have 4 children. What prompted me to write this post is that my husband is not speaking to me again. He punishes me like that. He talks to children, laughs and treats me like air. It’s hard for me. Several times I ask him to talk to me, to tell me what the problem is. So he’s talking to me, but he’s talking. Then he says to me that he does not scream, so he does not offend me, so what I mean. I mean how he behaves. He acts like a kid who takes offense. (detail removed by Moderator) I told him to invent the bathroom and he took offense at me because he can’t sit for 5 minutes. Maybe I was rude to him. I always blame myself in this situation. In the past, I couldn’t cope with his disrespect to me and I’d hit him. He didn’t owe me. I am sorry because in one day he is very nice and tells me that he loves me and does not want to argue. So why isn’t he trying to talk to me. I do not understand this. Should I apologize to him and ask him to speak to me? More than once I thought about leaving but we have 4 children. Only my husband is not working now. So I don’t have a job, if I can handle it myself. He can be nice, he works, he doesn’t drink. This is why it feels wrong. I am often depressed if my husband does not talk to me and is silent. What I should I do?
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Mooo, what your husband is doing is classic verbal and emotional abuse. You are not imagining it. Not being able to trust your own perceptions and emotions are effect of verbal abuse. He’s severely abusing you through withholding and stonewalling. Many abusers use this technique as it leaves victims in a sea of doubt and pain. Please read Patricia Evans books on verbally abusive relationships. She can explain why your husband is behaving this way. With more knowledge, you can free yourself from self blame and start healing.
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Hello and welcome. The psychological abuse was far worse than anything physical. It leaves us feeling crazy. I bet in no other part of your life are you left feeling this way. It’s him and his abuse. Contact your local women’s aid as soon as possible for support and advice. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Abusers make us into people we don’t want to be by lashing out or completely closing down. There is lots of help out there. Start by google ‘the power and control wheel’ ‘The cycle of abuse’. And read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven.
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Thank you for your response. Unfortunately, I have no one to talk to about my situation. On the outside, my husband is a nice guy, he works and nothing to fault. But he’s a different person at home. When I wrote that my husband was punishing me without speaking, he was silent again. On the (detail removed by Moderator) he did not speak to me. At (detail removed by Moderator), I approached him and offered him my best wishes. He asked if that was all I had to say to him. It’s sad because I was the first to reach out to him because I don’t want to live like that. (detail removed by Moderator) Now it happens more often when he takes offense. A few times a week. He doesn’t like it when I point out to him that I don’t like something. She slams the door and speaks to herself, not directly to me, but so that I can hear it. He held my shoulders tightly and I tell him to let go of me, to stop doing that and he to tell him that he would. My heart pounds then. He can say several times a day that he loves me and then is rude to me. I’m serious about breaking up. But I’m afraid that he will destroy me, that he will take my children away. She will accuse me of destroying the relationship. But I really know something is wrong with our marriage.
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Hi, and so sorry you are going through this, I am fairly new here too and it took me over (detail removed by Moderator) years to realise the abuse, and make no mistake this is emotional abuse.
You mentioned how he not talking to you made you depressed, that’s exactly how I used to feel, in fact i spent so many years confused, depressed and he would just ignore me. He hit me about twice at the very beginning but then never laid his hands on me. But without a shadow of a doubt the emotional abuse is by far the worse. When he gave me the silent treatment it would drive me mad, i would blame myself, when I tried to get him to talk about it he would go mad. Regardless of how I approach him, there were no better way. I was ignored constantly but he is angel to the kids. When I discovered this group out of desperation and the advice that the lovely ladies here gave me, it all started to make sense. The terms stonewalling made complete sense, although i was sad but I was so happy at the same time as I realised that all these years I wasn’t mad at all, I was been abused and punished anytime I disagree with him or stand out to him.
You don’t need to beg him to talk to you, it’s not you and it’s definitely HIM. Try to get on with your life, do fun things with the kids and most importantly start educating yourself about the type of abuse you are living, I promise you it will only make you stronger and help you.
I am still with my husband and he hasn’t spoken to me for the last (detail removed by Moderator) weeks now, it’s hard for me because of the kids, but he no longer hold the power he had on me. I am numb to his games, and I am working on being brave enough to leave him.
I wish you the best and keep posting here, this is my only place where I can speak about things and everyone is so supportive x
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