Question

[Ayanna]

Is there anything like a divorce certificate?
Should the family court not have sent me a certificate that I am divorced?
All I got is the paper with the long writing that I am divorced for unreasonable behaviour. Is that all? Is this what I show if asked? After years of marital rape and violent abuse that is what I got.

[godschild]

Cant answer that questio Ayanna, but sending you a hug xxxx

[KIP.]

I think you get something called a decree absolute. A piece of paper. Your freedom X another post spoke about how we fixate on things. I did this for a long time. I think it’s a coping mechanism. If we fixate then our brain doesn’t wander to worse memories. I spent months fixating on why I can’t remember him undoing his trousers before he raped me. I still cannot remember that one thing. The rest is clear in my mind. It’s bizarre. It will pass. Of all the horrible things that happened, him divorcing you is not important, perhaps it’s a coping mechanism?

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

The decree absolut eis the final piece of paper u need to confirm divorce

[Ayanna]

I did not receive that decree absolute. What the court sent me was the judgement, that I was divorced for unreasonable behaviour and that he can no longer make any financial claims. It is a long paper and I am unable to read it. It triggers me too much.
Do I need to contact the court and tell them to send me the decree absolute?

I am still in that trance. I cannot sort out anything. It is all too much and too traumatizing.

[WalkerInTheRain]

Did you initiate the divorce or did he serve papers against you? Have you had any legal help?

First you get a decree nisi (marriage) or interim order (civil partnership). Six weeks later you can apply for the decree absolute/final order.
It sounds like you may be in receipt of the final certificate as they aren’t very fancy looking.

A divorce, even a fault based one, can be a fairly impersonal affair. A judge will sit in a room and hear a stack of cases. They aren’t there to take sides, just to decide if a marriage has irrevocably broken down.
You have still been through an absolutely horrific experience and a piece of paper can’t detract from that. What support are you getting at the moment?

[Ayanna]

Maybe that paper is the decree absolute then. I cannot woman up to look at it.

I have no support.

My local mental heath service and the GP are just waiting to hear that I am dead. Then they have one inconvenient human less to deal with.

[White Rose]

Decree absolute doesn’t state reason for divorce, it’s a fairly uninspiring piece of paper nothing like a marriage certificate. The long worded document sounds more like the petition. If you don’t know where you are in the divorce process you need to find out or you may miss doing things you need to. If you used a solicitor ask there or if not I’d suggest go to citizens advice and take all your letters with you. Or ask a friend? It’s a tough cold and long process and it will be hard and I’m sure you’ll need some support with it from someone else I think as if you’re like anyone else going through it your brain will be as useful as porridge and will refuse to function xx

[Confused123]

hi hun

can anyone else go through it for u

[Ayanna]

No, I have nobody. The paper is like a court sentence. All on it looks final. But it is a long print. I cannot read it. My eyes blur when I come close to it.

[Suntree]

There is a certificate for your decree absolute. If you go to the government web page and put in get a copy of a decree absolute or final order it will take you through the steps of getting one.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Ayanna can you go to the Citizens Advice?

I wish we could read it for you but you will find the inner strength. It is there. You are stronger than you know xx

[Ayanna]

I think I will take the whole bunch of paper and bring to the CAB. They need to help me. They may look at me as if I have gone mad, but I am beyond caring.

[Author]

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