Question about solicitors

[RedFox]

Hi there,

I have an urgent question. I need to know if I talked to a solicitor about the fact my partner is abusive, will they have an obligation to tell the police or anyone else?
I want to discuss my options but don’t want to go further at the moment.

Thanks!

[Borntobefree]

Hi
Redfox

Solicitors can not go and tell a third party

Solicitors can only advice you what to do x

[KIP.]

What you tell your solicitor is confidential but make sure you get one that understands domestic abuse. You can also ring Rights for Women who offer free legal advice. Also the helpline number on here might have some more advice x

[RedFox]

Ok thanks both x

So under no circumstances they can tell someone else, even if I was gonna tell that he tried to kill me (he hasn’t). I need to know how to leave my relationship and all the commitments around, but I do not want to start the war and the thought a solicitor could talk to the police make me unable to function properly since yesterday… making me wonder if I even mention this part of my story (which could change totally the advice they could give me). I’m seeing one which deals with divorces, disputes etc and domestic abuse!

[KIP.]

Don’t worry. You’re doing the right thing. They have to treat everything in confidence. Then offer you advice. Ask about a civil restraining order. Have you considered a refuge? It’s really important that you tell her everything as she cannot advise you if she doesn’t know what’s going on. Could it be that your abuser has been lying to you about solicitors? Mine did x

[RedFox]

No i avoid talking to him about solicitors. But I am completely paranoid and I still hope finding a friendly agreement with my abuser so I don’t want to destroy it all by involving the police.
So I’m seeing a solicitor to understand what he could try to do sneakily and what i could do if he was trying to trap me in this situation, using financial commitments etc.

I know I am doing the right thing but I know that if there is the smallest risk that the police is involved, I will not sleep at night or be able to eat (even if nothing ever happens).
I find it difficult to find the duties a solicitor has in case they are in front of someone they think could be in danger x

[Lisa]

Hi RedFox,

I just wanted to show you some support. I think it is very worrying how afraid you are of your abuser and I just wanted to say please be very careful at this time. It may be that your abuser has noticed a shift in your behavior so do watch yourself and please try to find a safe time to phone the helpline to get some safety planning. Sadly I think the fact that you have mentioned that you believe he tried to kill you rather rules out the idea that you might come to a ‘friendly arrangement’ with him and it might be an idea to think about going to a refuge and getting support from the workers there and a solicitor once you know you have put some distance between you and him and that you are somewhere safe and unknown to him.

We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[RedFox]

Thank you Lisa for your words.
He hasn’t tried to kill me, he only said he’d love to. I just wonder how that would be received by a solicitor, is it the kind of details they can’t just listen and let go? Can they have, at some point, an obligation to act against the will of their client?
He was angry though, I doubt it was real.
But I am scared of him and he doesn’t talk to me at all anymore so I don’t know what I am meant to do.

He surely has noticed a shift in my behaviour, as I said he ignores me now (could change though because everything is cyclic and has been for ages). He knows it’s over and there is no way back on my side.

I literally cannot eat anymore, Im losing weight everyday and I approach dangerous levels now…

I just sometimes feel that I exaggerate it all. What if I’m wrong and he is not abusing me? What if it’s all in my head?

Thank you all for the support x

[iamme]

Hi Red Fox,

What you’ve said about it being all in your head has struck a chord with. These past few days, I’ve been thinking everything is in my head but thats one of the games they play. If he wasn’t abusing me, I wouldn’t be changing my behaviour and I wouldn’t be in pain. The fact that you’re scared is a big sign that something is wrong. Fear is a survival instinct your body uses to stay alive. Please talk to someone, ring the helpline. It’s all confidential. Take care, stay safe x

[maddog]

I too understand where you’re coming from. My husband got me arrested out of spite. (detail removed by Moderator) I had no option than to involve a solicitor. If you report to the police they should not come barging in if it is going to make things more dangerous. I too have lost weight. It’s horrible. Your gp should be able to support you too.
You are not imagining it. If they can make a way of seeming it is your fault they will.
Lots of hugsx

[Confused123]

hey hun

Solicitors will keep everything confidental, just be careful though, when your ex says he would love to kill u , that prob means he is capable or buidling fear in u, my ex used to say he would kill me and did attempt, stay safe

[RedFox]

I think he probably wanted to kill me that day he said that but he knows he’d be in big trouble. That probably stopped him.
What do you mean your husband got you arrested Maddog?
Flats for rent are way too expensive where I live, I don’t know how I’ll manage to get out of this. I’m so stressed.

[Author]

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