Question

[Ayanna]

I do not understand why I could never have support. I was always told that I did not meet criteria. I escaped death, had housing problems and now suffer from PTSD. I have never been eligible for any proper mental health support after suffering severe rapes and having been beaten up on countless occasions.
Are women with no kids and over a certain age bound to cope on their own?
I feel as if I was disposed of like a piece of garbage.
I was used by the system to keep people in their jobs.
In the end the abuser got huge support and I was always left unsupported.
If I complained I was told off and threatened. I was treated like an inferior being.
I was abused by health care stuff.
Why was I abused on so many levels? Why did I receive such appalling treatment? Why am I always being pushed aside?
Why do I receive threats when I ask for help?
It was all for nothing.
I should have never called the police.
I should have stayed with him and let him kill me one day.
The flashbacks are so horrible and I am full of fear every day.
I am unable to live the life that I lived before I met him.

[Anonymous]

Dear Ayanna, it upsets me to read that you are feeling like this you have been very supportive to me since I started on here. I am so very sorry that all this has happened to you and that you have received so very little support. It does appear that women who are working and without children do fall between the cracks. A friend of mine was in this situation and was told that she would have to pay if she went into a refuge. This was a couple of years ago things may have changed since then but she found also that there was very little anyone could do for her. You should be eligible for some sort of counselling or maybe you could access some via the internet? I have done CBT and all sorts online and it can help. Please do not think that you should have stayed with him or let him kill you one day. You did the right thing getting out and although you are struggling I would hope that you are still in a much safer position than you were. Sending you hugs and hoping that you do not feel so alone x

[Millionpieces]

I think I face same problem, I’m paying counselling my self, I rent room privately, I wasn’t married but I live with my ex for nearly decade. But I have good supports, even Not enough but any help even just call me and talk to me is huge help. I realise one thing from this experience, we are the one who can help our self, and we can’t expect too much from others. Just see from bright side they think you are strong enough to get through this. And one day you will be proud.
MP X

[godschild]

Ayanna, sorry you feel so bad, no way should you have stayed and let him kill you, you are worth far more than that.
The NHS are useless re councelling, all I got from CMHS was our service was nothing to offer you thats with my long long term phobias and the DV.
Mental a health issues and PTSD are really neglected by the NHS, they are a waste of time.
Did you get any help from the one abroad you mentioned, stay strong thinking of you xx

[Ayanna]

Yes, I am in contact with the ones abroad. But it is not ideal.
I need to call the Samaritans daily because of my flashbacks.
The rapes and the beatings have done something to my self esteem and my perception about myself.
When I speak to the NHS they threaten me and make assumptions that are not true.
Punishing people who were victims of horrible crimes.
I am so scared of them.

[Serenity]

Hi Ayanna,

It’s dreadful that you feel abandoned in this way.

Have you tried to contact any of the following for support:

National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) 0808 801 8331

The Survivor’s Trust
thesurvivorstrust.org – an umbrella trust which directs women to counselling and other services.

I find that many of these local and national charities are amazing. They can offer support not offered by the health services or NHS.

[Whathaveidone]

yes – NAPAC helped me loads.
The ones you have mentioned Senerity are great.
Ayanna I would second what Serentiy has said.

[Ayanna]

Thank you, Serenity, I will look these ones up and ask them for help.
What makes everything worse is that I just did a course about adult safeguarding and what I learned there confirmed to me how badly I am being abused by the health service.

[Serenity]

Go down the route of independent charities- normally run by survivors themselves xxxx

[Suntree]

Hugs.
The mental health service is pot luck. I’ve been lucky with some good Dr’s and unlucky with others.
I’ve been discharge from hospital unsuccessful with suicide and told to get in with it.
I’ve had some so called professionals that have access my medical records use my mental health from years ago to try and justify why they needed to take my kids off me and give them to our abuser (didn’t happen but they tried thier hardest)
As such I can never go back to my gp ever to get help. I can no longer risk that ever happening again.
I have had to pay for help and find other ways.
I’ve used the therapy I’ve had before to help me in my head.
The system stinks and had too many people that are supposed to know better who don’t have a clue.
Hugs 

[Ayanna]

It feels like we live in a country full of (detail removed by Moderator). I am so p****d off at the moment. They have a go at the victims and help the perpetrators.

[Millionpieces]

Hi Ayana,
Sending you big hugs and support. We are survivors and we have to keep fighting.
I am look up to you for all the advice you told me. You making me so much stronger than I believe my self. I contacted a lots of supports I don’t wait until they contacted me. And if I don’t get help, I look other places. And this forum and mostly you has been so supporting.
MP
X

[Ayanna]

Hi MP, I have been doing this for a very long time and I am going in circles now. I think some of these places already know my name. I will see what the health service has in store for me and then I move on. I already look around again.
Coping on my own is just too hard.

[Millionpieces]

But please bare in your mind while you are helping your self you are helping others in this forum. Especially me who really felt your support in my case. If I didn’t found this forum I’m not sure I will be in this stage. Even I’m far from find my self again but I am much better. I have gain so much strength from you and all the ladies in the forum.

[Peaceful Pig]

I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling so bad. I’m also suffering flashbacks at the moment so understand how frightening it is. I also understand your fear of statutory agencies, as they often do more harm than good for various reasons. I totally agree with Serenity about charitable organisations though. In particular, my local rape crisis organisation have been wonderful. They have never once made me feel devalued or like I’m wasting anyone’s time, they have advocated for me and provided me with donation only specialised counselling. Have you tried the service local to you? I really hope you find the support you deserve x*x

[Ayanna]

Oh, thank you so much for all your encouragement! I have no services in my area. They are all far away. So many have closed down. That’s why the health service seemed to be the best option for me. I will have to travel a little bit, I know. With my health that is a bit of a trouble. But I am getting there. I need to find the right support to have a good life again, even if that means to take a long bus ride or train ride.
It sickens me that the ex abuser got housing and financial support, whilst I was sent to live on the street, just because I had a job. And all the other support he got …. It is disgusting. There is no equality or justice.

[Author]

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