Questioning it all

[DaisyM]

Hi, I am new to the forum and was looking for some advice. I am really confused about everything that’s been going on with my partner and I. I have had quite a few people ask me if he is abusive and I have never really thought about it before but reading some of the information on this site, maybe I have just been in denial.
We have been together a number of years and have two kids. In the first year he was lovely, or so I though. When I got pregnant I found out he was cheating on me (apparently he was just talking to other women) but I don’t really know. A massive red flag and I should have walked away there and then I guess but I forgave him. It was after I found out about that, things started to change. He would be so sulky and withdrawn and I felt like I constantly had to please him.
Over the last couple of years is where it has really started to change. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells as I am worried about making him annoyed. He gets angry about anything and is really aggressive. He has damaged the house by punching and throwing things. He screams and shouts and is completely horrible to me, calling me everything.
Everything is always my fault (when he has cheated, I’m having an affair etc.)
Over last few years he has become more physical and will push me on the floor, hold me up against a wall or punch me in the arm. He always laughs it off like he’s just messing round and it has never really been something that I couldn’t put up with until he started to put his hands on my neck and then it got a bit scary. It was only because of people noticing his anger and also the fact he has been trying to record me saying it isn’t just him and that I am just as bad, on his phone, I have started to question it all.

Sorry if I am not making sense, I am just trying to understand if it’s just me going mad.

[IrisAtwood]

Hi Daisy,
It is very common for abused women to think that they are going mad and to doubt whether they actually are being abused.
What you have described is abusive. Putting his hands around your throat is an indicator that you are in serious danger. Please get in touch with the helpline on the site.

[fridges]

Hello, Daisy,
Welcome to the forum! Like it did help me to make sense of my past experience, the same way it will make sense to you, while you will be spending time here, finding out more and more information. All what you wrote here, it is all abuse.
He is abusive towards you. That you are here, is already one big step for you, you start to have questions and this is a good sign, means you will discover all, you will understand all. The more you will talk to others, the more you will realise what he is doing. Do not worry! People will want judge you as you think, talk to the help line here. I can give you all reassurance, there are great women who work here and it will help you!
Speak to your GP about your feelings and she might be able to help you as well.

[lover of no contact]

Welcome Daisy. You are in the right place coming on here.
Keep posting and reading the posts.
Knowledge is Power. Awareness of what’s really going on is very painful and hard at first. But you will soon start to feel stronger. At the moment he’s got all the Power because he knows what he’s doing but pretends and lies so he has one up on you in his mind. But from coming on here you will soon get to make sense of his behaviours as all of us were and are presently dealing with similar awful behaviours.

[Author]

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