This topic contains 6 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #103998
     Headcook 
    Participant

    Hi

    Have gone looking for other support and found a private group for adult child to parent abuse
    My thoughts were to maybe see if other parents in my situation could ease the thoughts that I may never see son again after I’m out
    I was feeling really desperate about this being to outcome when I leave not really knowing if this will be what I want if it will be the way I may have to take
    How to cope if I’m discarded all sorts of emotions
    Am I looking to far ahead
    Do I need to be deciding now
    Many questions
    There are many parents on this group I’m shocked how widespread this is I’ve always felt I was in a small minority
    Some have been supportive some just say throw him out
    I’m being selective with replies as I no what responses I feel able to do right now and being here on the forum I have never recieved “just throw him out “

    Support worker phoning later may mention
    This group
    Today I’m doubting if I need this

    Hc

  • #104006
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hey, I’ve been through the discard by my son and as painful as it was at the time it has to be his choice. I kept my door open for him if he ever wants to get in touch without his abusive entitled attitude. I needed to build my own life and I’d spend two decades putting him first. I haven’t heard from him for a couple years now. I txt him a happy birthday message and got nothing back so that’s his choice. I’d rather get no response than an abusive one. Once you get away from abuse and rebuild your own life with your own choices and friends and hobbies, it kind of fades into the background. Many parents are estranged from their children and my therapist was saying how widespread and under reported it actually is. I suppose no parent wants to admit that their child is selfish and abusive. I love my son very much and always will, I just don’t like his behaviour. Maybe that’s a life lesson for,him too x

  • #104009
     Headcook 
    Participant

    Thanks kip

    Yes that’s how I’m feeling that I may have to distance if he can’t start treating me with respect finally after 2 decades also
    Guess partly it depends on how this all comes to an end when I move out
    I’m not feeling the love for him right now but I’m still living in it and reality has so sunk In
    I sat and watched him gaslight partner right before my eyes never properly seen it so clearly before
    She got in a right state I looked at her and could see me right there at that moment
    She wanted to punch him
    Claimed she had ignored him after I said jo my love you just been gaslighted
    Mute
    Maybe I’m trying to run before I can even walk.

    Hc

  • #104018
     Headcook 
    Participant

    I still doubt deliberate abuse

    Is it not anger issues

    Hc

  • #104022
     KIP. 
    Participant

    No because he can control his anger in public, at his work, with his friends, with his boss. When the door is closed then you can see his anger because he knows no one is watching. It’s not anger issues or everyone would get his angry outbursts. It’s domestic abuse x he can control his ‘anger’ when he wants to x

  • #104025
     Headcook 
    Participant

    Thanks kip

    One of those doubt days today
    It’s as simple as you say it is just hard staying focused sometimes

    Mothers love creeping in again
    😢

    Hc

  • #104029
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hey, you can love him but not like him or like his behaviour. We did our best and now they’re adults, it’s over to them.

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