Quick escalation – I can’t take much more

[Sad and alone]

Daily incidents – never know what’s going to set him off. Even a simple conversation can go the wrong way. Or his anger towards third parties gets turned on me.

(detail removed by Moderator) just talking about a third party and things they do. He comments how they’ve stopped doing something (to antagonise us) and I say maybe they’ve got bored of it and will do something else. I get told no, how I don’t know this person or understand what they’re like, how they will never stop doing what they’re doing. I’ve known them as long as him and know fully what they are like. So I say fine, sorry, whatever he says is right and I’ve got it wrong and he says good. He then proceeds to tell me about a conversation he had with someone else regarding the same third party and something else they’d been causing issues over. How this other person said they thought the third party had given up on this other thing. So of course I said hold on, you just told me I was wrong in saying they had stopped doing something and they’d never do that, but someone else has said the same thing and you’re agreeing. It’s basically what he says to me all the time, that I agree with other people over him. This obviously upset him and I can’t remember what he said but he was holding a knife and he stabbed a (detail removed by Moderator) with it. I left and haven’t gone back. He’s tried calling me. I’ve tried getting through to WA chat but it’s busy. I just keep thinking when he loses it what if I was stood in front of him and he stabbed me. I don’t trust him. Don’t trust him not to hurt me. It’s the massive over reaction and dramatics. I don’t want to be there.

[minimeerkat]

sweetheart, every time youve pointed out this type of behaviour he has become more & more angry – because he can see you are speaking the truth

i am so pleased you are temporarily safe because that is the most important thing right now & i can only hope you get through to womens aid as soon as possible.  i think there is also a national number for them if you are able to look it up & its something you feel able to do.  also are you able to contact that relative – is it still possible that this would be another option for somewhere safe to stay at the moment

i know it is a lot but have you thought about contacting the police this time so that they are fully aware of your situation & so that there is a record of this behaviour.  you will still be in complete control – its just so that they know your safety is at risk because of how serious it is

this must have been so frightening for you, bless your heart.  keep trying the chat line – dont give up.  and please keep yourself safe & away from harm.  stay as strong as you can.  thinking of you x

[Indeepindance]

Oh no way things have got extremely serious there- are you okay? How terrifying and devastating, but thank all that is good your precious soul is safe. Well done for seeing what was happening and moving fast on it, incredible!

Excellent advice from minimeerkat, you need police backing now as next steps may need initiating and she’s right this needs to be on the record at the very least. If you go further, it might help you to make those next moves when you’re ready, getting him out instead, or dividing your assets so you can break away.

Absolutely agree you need to stay away from him at all costs, this is no game and you were so switched on to recognise it and get out. Never doubt, you know you the deal now that he is escalating badly.

If you can keep in touch especially whilst you’re having trouble getting support from WA please try to, but understandably you will have a lot to sort out there.

Thinking of you

Xxxxx

 

[Sad and alone]

Thanks so much for the replies. I am home and feel safe at this moment. Had the chance to leave today but not the strength to follow through. Maybe one day I’ll reach the tipping point.

[Indeepindance]

Keep in touch if you can and stay safe, we’ll be right here xxxxx

[Sad and alone]

This incident wasn’t that long ago but it feels like ages.

These massive arguments are exhausting. I was going to leave. Always panic as end up trying to pack under duress. There was one thing I just couldn’t leave and I can’t take it with me. I was ready to leave everything else. I can’t say what as it’ll prob be moderated.

I have been trying to manage my reactions to things he says. He’s been okay-ish. No doubt he will tell me at some point when it falls apart again this was due to him making an effort.

I have made it clear that I don’t want to keep hearing the same things he says about me in connection with the trouble we have with these third parties that are horrible to us. This includes him rehashing how he felt I wasn’t supportive in certain incidents which I have agreed with a million times, apologised for, and asserted I am here and will address these people as and when. I haven’t been completely silent and I have done other things but he just keeps on about what I didn’t do. He won’t give it a rest. He says he doesn’t expect me to be like other women but if I can just try, and then says he thinks it would take me (detail removed by moderator) to finally stand up to anyone. He lumps me in with them, talking about “you people”. He wants me to support him and be a team but he is putting me down so that doesn’t make me want to do anything together at all. He says he has to be careful because people are saying he’s violent, including me, and I say the difference is he has been violent to me to which he has agreed, but then seemed to say he felt bad about it so that was okay??

I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m going along again but he’s going to keep on doing this. It has added stress to our relationship, these other people and the things they do, but if we were in a good place we should be able to deal with it. All he does is apparently blame me for the way things are. I’m tired of being told I’m not a woman etc.

 

[Sad and alone]

And here I am again.

Everything seemed fine. Then I could tell he was in a mood about something. He says every night we do the same thing and he wants to have fun and I just sit there and watch tv and fall asleep. I said what else did he want to do and he just started how he wants to feel alive and how I’m boring and frigid and that’s just me. It gets worse and worse and he’s twisting what I’m saying whilst trying to deny things he’s said. He said I need something bad to happen to me like cancer or someone in my family to die to realise how good I’ve got it. He said I need a baseball bat round my head (or words to that effect). He says he’s really tried with me (detail removed by Moderator) (he has helped me a lot) and wants some appreciation. To have fun and mess around. I get the feeling he’s always on about sex despite me having said I have no interest. I raised this with him before when we spoke about splitting up and he wanted me to stay and he said he just hoped I’d want to again some day. But here we are again where he just blows up at me and starts saying all this stuff yet I’m meant to be all over him? I said it doesn’t matter what he does for me or for us if he still speaks to be the way he does and goes off on one.

He walked off saying he was going to look at porn so I walked out when he was gone and was going to drive away, anywhere, maybe try and speak to someone, anyone. (detail removed by Moderator) so I had to come back inside.

I’m so sad.

[Sad and alone]

Am I in the wrong? He has helped me out a lot (detail removed by Moderator). I’ve thanked him and cuddled him and put my arm round him and helped him out with things too. He says (detail removed by Moderator) he doesn’t feel appreciated. I should want to show my appreciation and we should have fun. He’s complaining about doing the same thing all the time. I suggested something else and he said he was tired so I said what did he want to do and he said I should think of something. I don’t know what he wants from me. I’ve told him I don’t want sex as I don’t feel he respects me and doesn’t treat me like someone who loves you would. He thinks doing all these things means everything else like what he says to me, criticising me etc, is irrelevant. He doesn’t get it. He says he doesn’t want to touch me now as he’s afraid I’ll say he’s being violent. He’s trying to act like a victim or something, like I should feel bad as I’ve made him feel this way and he never once considers how I feel. I said please could he leave me alone to sleep as I’m exhausted, he’s just bombarding me with verbal c**p and questions and trying to confuse me. I don’t sleep well and he says why don’t I sleep well, and makes sarcastic comments how I don’t have a job or kids so must be so tiring.

I end up thinking maybe if I try again, and maybe I have been horrible, maybe I should cuddle up to him, but he gets in these moods and I just don’t want to. He’s left me now but I can hear him saying how horrible and rotten I am. Maybe I am? I really understand what it feels like where there’s no way out and what else can you do?

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