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    • #8149

      I was wondering if anyone feels like they are getting on ok and maybe able to talk about all the abuse without getting upset but then random days you just cant deal with it and get emotional for no reason? I don’t like feeling this way and when I do I feel like he’s winning even though he’s not there. I worry what my friends will think and if they will understand. Any tips would be appreciated 🙂

    • #8152

      I was in an abusive relationship for (detail removed by moderator) years and have been living on my for (detail removed by moderator) years now. I continue to have panic attacks even if something little reminds me of him and get upset for no reason just get emotional and I think this happens because you are trying to hard to stay strong. It is nothing to feel ashamed about. It can take along time to heal but the best thing you can do is talk to someone about it. a true friend would respect how you feel and would be supportive even if they didn’t understand. My friends don’t understand but they will always listen and say I can’t believe that man has done this to you.

    • #8154

      Thank you. I guess I find it a little hard to talk about sometimes. Will try to talk about it with my friends, they have been very helpful so far.

    • #8165
      mixed-up mum

      Hi Clare – don’t know if we have spoken before?

      Just wanted to day hi and have a quick chat.

      I’m not newly out – but I do still get days like you are having – its a rollercoaster – and will be for some time – its not just something that you can just forget about and leave in the past……

      You will, as I do still, have good days and BAD days – dome days you think I’m really getting in top of this now, and feeling so much better, braver, stronger – then you may have days when it all feels too much, and even the simplest little thing that goes wrong makes you feel like you can’t cope, and that you are weak and pathetic….

      But there will come a time (I hope) when there will gradually be more good days than bad days – and you will ‘come out the other side’ a much braver, stronger, more confident woman.

      As for friends – well the really good ones WILL be there for you and stand by you – but as time goes on (I’m a few years out now) they do tire of hearing about your problems, they start to think you should be ‘over it’ by now – their lives are unchanged for THEM their lives go on the same as they always did – but I do find that only the ladies on here REALLY ‘get’ what you are talking about and how you are feeling – unless they have lived through it they can never truely understand what you are feeling and going through.

      Friends do ‘try’ and be there for you, but they either have good lives and are happy and don’t want to hear about your problems and worries, OR if they have problems and worries of their own – the can’t cope with yours too.

      Family are the same – my mam has been a great support to to me in that she will always come over and help out if I ask, and she has loaned me money too – but she will never truely understand what it feels like.

      For instance – the first year I was out I found New Year VERY HARD – it held lots of bad memories of unhappy times with him……
      (he liked New Year and always wanted to celebrate it, so we were MADE to have ‘fun’ and have a ‘good time’ whither we wanted to or not – the last year I was with him was SO BAD – my daughter and me shut ourselves in her room and refused to come out and join him – he was not happy and rang all his family to tell them how miserable we had been and how we had spoilt his New Year – well it was the straw that broke the camels back – and it was days after that I finally plucked up the courage to leave him) so my first New Year out I was still haunted of times gone by – well my mother just could not understand why I was ‘letting him’ affect me still – she said you are out now all that is in the past – why let it spoil what you have now…..

      Well if only it were that simple eh – if only we could ‘wipe the slate clean’ and it would all be in the past and forgotten about – if only it was that easy to move on eh…..
      But ‘others’ don’t see that, and can’t understand how we feel.

      So keep posting on here – the ladies on here DO understand how it feels – they DO know what you are going through – and no matter what they will ALWAYS be here for you……

    • #8243

      Thank you mixed up mum. I’m trying to take things a day at a time. I’m glad things get better over time. I have trouble being alone because he was so demanding of my time, I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. I’m trying to make myself be ok when I’m on my own. Sometimes you know what you have to do but have trouble doing it. What I find difficult is that there were multiple times that there was a straw that broke the camels back but I wasn’t strong enough to get him out. So prolonged it even more. I broke up with him but he stuck around for over 6 months after that coz I was soft with the break up. Not wanting to upset him. I’m just rambling now. I hope I get more good days 🙂 thank you for all your help

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