Re-examining friendships

[Eve1]

I have a group of very old friends who meet up once or twice a year, but who I don’t really hear from apart from that. Amongst them is someone who I realised a couple of years ago, I had an unhealthy, abusive (on his part) relationship with. I had help from some ladies on here to end it. They are meeting up for a few days in the next few weeks. I did attend last year, and found it very unsettling to be around him. We had a very quick conversation, based entirely around how difficult a time he’d had since I’d ended things. I felt sorry for him and guilty, but fortunately was not alone with him again. This year I’m just not going. I don’t even feel the need or desire to see the other friends really. It’s a bit sad. I think I’m not quite the pushover was many years ago and don’t feel the desire to fit in.

Does anyone else feel that friendships change after abuse?

Love to all
Eve
X

[KIP.]

Absolutely. I see my best friend of decades very very differently now. I now even see some of the same traits my ex abuser had. It’s quite shocking. And I find myself for the first time ever answering her back. She makes me feel uncomfortable at times. She minimises my mental illness caused by abuse and seems to be jealous of my new found independence and confidence. I would say I’m perhaps even more confident at times than she is and I don’t think she likes it. Once you can spot abusive traits you recognise a side of people you didn’t see before. It makes me wonder if they both were drawn to me and my good heart.

[White Rose]

I agree. They do change some get stronger and some friendships end.
We change too as well as the people around us and our needs change.
I’m glad you are feeling strong enough to say no to the meet up this year – I remember your posts last year.
I’m glad you seem ok I was thinking of you recently and wondering how you were xx

[Ayanna]

Yes, definitely.
I am glad you came to the conclusion not to see any of these people again, especially not that perpetrator.

Overall I have become extremely choosy who I allow into my world.
I let go of most so called friends I had. They just do not fit into my view of the world anymore.
When I went through hell none of them supported me. I do not want this kind of people.

[Serenity]

Yes: I have zero tolerance for manipulative, unkind or arrogant people now. And I don’t want to give up time for people who I previously couldn’t see had anbusuve traits.

[Eve1]

Thank you ladies,

Last year after I met up with them it disturbed me for a few weeks. This year I’m putting my mental health first.

I think I’m ok at the moment, thanks White Rose. I’ve had a job for a good few months and I think that helps.

It’s nice to hear from you all.

Love
Eve
x

[Serenity]

I’m glad you’re not going to meet them this year, Eve.

I remember in previous years how it upset you.

Move on to a more peaceful life and only allow good people close x

[Eve1]

Thanks Serenity, I will aspire to that.
x

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