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Hello,
It is a while since I last posted. It is now 8pm and I am alone feeling bad about past memories. I am still with my Husband and have been trying to forgive him for past behaviour. (detail removed by Moderator) we were having a drink out. It all started well but then he mentioned what he thought had been a good day out for us about (detail removed by Moderator) ago. There was a funny incident which we laughed about but then my memories about other things that day came back and I got edgy, sad and angry and started blaming him again – I believe he is a reformed alcoholic. We argued for a bit (detail removed by Moderator). I tried to apologise (although he knows I wouldn’t really have been sorry) and we ended up (detail removed by Moderator)). I feel so worn out emotionally.
Anyway that is my rant for the evening. Tomorrow is another day as they say.
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Hi AirNamaste,
It must be really difficult trying to heal and forgive in a situation where traumatic memories are being triggered. If your husband accepts that his behaviour has been abusive, part of this should be understanding that it’s going to take you time (as much time as you need) to process and forgive what he did. If the argument was about what happened on the day you remembered or how it made you feel, that isn’t okay. It’s normal for your mood to be impacted when your painful past is brought to mind.
Have you had any support to help you work through and make sense of what you’ve been through? Your local domestic abuse service may provide formal counselling, if not then they may know of other services locally and counsellors who specialise in support around domestic abuse. You could also speak with your GP about what talking therapies you can access. Bloom provides online courses around healing from trauma, including domestic abuse.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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