Reached out for help now regretting it.

[Lonelyloner]

This morning I finally reached out for help.
I don’t know what it was that finally made me do it after many many years of trying to get away of my own accord and being sucked back in but regardless I did it.

I contacted womens aid who advised me to contact a local organisation who then advised me to contact another organisation and that one wants to speak to me for the referral which I will be doing in the coming days (hes always here so im having to do it on a rare day I know he’s busy outside of the house.

Now all the doubts are setting in and I’m so scared and confused, what if he finds out? What if I’m making things worse? What if I end up losing my children? What if I’m blowing everything up in my own head? What if he’s right and it’s all me/ in my head?

I know that all thw what ifs are normal and that its better than staying and the what ifs that can occur because of that but that doesn’t change my fear and worry over whats going to happen next.

Can anyone with experience further into the process shed any insight?

Also I’m very lonely I have hardly any friends and the family I have around either don’t understand or don’t care to know the extent so if anyone else is lonely and can relate let me know – I feel like I’ve been alone for so long.

I don’t know what it is I’m trying to say really except that seeing everyone’s posts helps me feel like I’m less alone.

[nbumblebee]

Hey, so i wanted to reach out and say hello.
I know how lonley this is how alone you really do feel how crazy they make you feel how much you doubt yourself you blame yourself and how much the guilt eats away at you I know i am there too and my gosh so are many of us on here.
You are no longer alone not whilst you are here, we got you and we get it.
You took a huge step by reaching out how amazing you are me ive not done that yet so i think you are incredable for doing so.
The people you reached out to know what they are doing sadly they do this day in day out and will guide you and look after you every step of the way and you wont have to do anything you dont want too. Breethe take a big breath you have done the worst bit the asking for help you have been so brave so couragous you did it now hang on in there keep hold of that bravery and keep going.
You can do this you can and we are all here every step of the way xxxxx

[Lonelyloner]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

I guess its natural for the big steps to be so daunting, thank you for your praise but its really not deserved, I’m sure you’re just as brave.

I’m am sorry that so many of us are going through this but its such a relief to know that its not just me, of course rationally I’ve always known that but I’ve never really allowed myself to talk about it with anyone which I suppose is tied into the denial and shame.

Thank you again. Means more than you know

[Wants To Help]

Hi lonelyloner,

Please don’t have any regrets for reaching out for some help. You have taken a first step to seek some information, and what you do with that information is up to you.

It’s understandable that now you have actually taken a step in the right direction to end abuse that you feel a little uncertain and anxious about what happens next, and in a bit of a panic that you now actually ‘might have to do something’ that will change your life. Fear not. That stage does not come unless you want it and put plans in to action to make it happen.

Clearly there is something wrong in your relationship that has been going on for some time that has led you to make this call today. Something inside you has said ‘enough’ and something inside you wants to know there are options out there for you. Be proud of yourself for getting to that stage. All of us who have left an abusive relationship and are now living free from abuse started off by making one decision that would start to change things.

Leaving an abuser is often a lengthy process and takes some planning. A few of us have just fled (myself included) when an opportunity has suddenly arisen or we just couldn’t take any more, but on the whole, most women research, learn and plan. Just take this one step at a time. Well done for reaching out. I’m sure that the more you do the more you will gain in confidence and understanding and feel in a much better place to make some decisions.

Good luck with your call, I’m sure all of your concerns will be addressed when you speak to a support worker, but just let me reassure you, you are not imagining the situation, it’s very real if you have come this far for help.

xx

[Lonelyloner]

Thank you.

I think maybe I’d feel better about it if there had been a big event that I could pinpoint made me do it but there wasn’t, infact things have seemed better than normal lately I guess that plays into my doubts and if I’m doing thw right thing.

I have also fled before but I always seemed to convince myself that he had changed and ended up back with him, I also managed to get away again another time but I wasnt really free of him I was still in the same cycle only he got to come and go as he pleased.

Sometimes I feel like it would be so much easier to accept this as my fate and I forever be trying to get free of him.

Its self inflicted, I knew better I just managed to get my life back on track, had a job was starting to make friends and starting to see things in vivid colour again and then the pandemic happened and some other things and he caught me at a low ebb and now here I am again stuck in the drab greyness feeling no further along then I was nearly (detail removed by moderator).

I’m so pleased to hear you managed to break free and really appreciate you taking the time to reach out

[Gerbil]

Dear lonelyloner
I too reached out for help today for the first time. I spoke with a support worker so I understand exactly how you feel. You are doing so well.
It is NOT self inflicted…YOU are not the abuser.. please remember that.
Take care and keep reaching out to people on here x

[Lonelyloner]

How did speaking with the support worker go? I’m very nervous about the call and what to expect.

Well done on reaching out too.

I almost feel like because its not physical I’m overreacting and won’t be believed or taking up the resources of someone who needs them more.

Take care of yourself too, thanks for taking the time

[Strongenough]

Well done Ladies,

Whatever stage you are in is a sign your on your recovery path. You posting on here in my experience is realisation and that’s a step in the right direction. I remember sitting in my office, alone, scared, crying and reaching out to womens aid by day but then ultimately returning home to my abuser at night. I felt my brighter days would never come at that time but via small steps the day came and I am out the other side.

Keep going and take little steps. I believe in you and if I can do it you can! One day you will be free xx

[Author]

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