- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hello all ..
I’ve written on here a few times and I’ve been continually reading reading my own messages and the wonderful replies . I keep doing this because I realise I think I don’t quite know exactly what’s real any more. I’m constantly googling is it abuse to do a quiz in the hope that the repeating “ highly likely “ or “ major red flags” results will validate enough to me that I’m being abused. That even if I have no self esteem and don’t care about being hurt and almost now wanting to be more and more so I can reach out and never do.. but he’s abusing me and to type it I cry and o know I’ve said things before that I realise ( I’ve read over and over me back and forth) but I’m laying here with just this different hollow hurting that he’s actually knowing fully and willingly and I don’t believe he will stop .
I don’t feel empowered by this realisation I feel more so trapped. I have gone round this circle before but knowing that he’s intentional hasn’t changed my ability to just go.
His being away hasn’t been freedom it’s been actually quite an on edge time because he will never say when he likely to come bavk it’s always a could be whenever, now he’s home again I’m relieved I feel safer that he’s here but as anxious as always for tension to break.
-
Hi there, it really is mind and body numbing. The realisation hits so hard it utterly floors us. Everyone of us sees the others position and screams for us to leave yet we all know it isn’t that way. The fear of not knowing what he’ll say or do, the fear of not managing financially, the fear of opening up and being judged, they all keep us there until one day, something changes. I don’t know what, what I do know is I am getting stronger. For every period of worthlessness, not wanting to see people, once that passes I feel stronger. I see more and more of how he behaves, it’s so predictable now. I could stay and be the rod on his back for all he’s done to me and mine, but that will just bring so much misery and unhappiness. One day my friend, one day that change will come within us and then a new life without him will begin. A new life full of possibilities and dramas, but we will have the tools to recognise abusers and will be able to deal with them accordingly.
Take care, go grey rock when possible. Keep in touch, this forum is truly our lifeline.IWMB 💕💕
-
Oh thank u for replying and I do so hope that one day we will both with a new life without the abuse. I really value how you take time to respond to me thank u . I’ve seen the words grey rock on here before but don’t know what it means I’m going to google now…
Tonight has been a successful disaster averted although him in bed early still has a hold over the home but thankfully I wasn’t hurt and I stood up for myself too. I regretted it instantly but he didn’t do anything at all !! When I said to stop speaking the way he was and the slamming I thought he would launch at me but he didn’t he just said how tired he was and went to bed so early ??? So that’s a change… maybe I just need to say to not be so horrible ( although I type that knowing that is not the case!) I hope you are having a good evening xxxxx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
