My friends baby shower was coming up and it caused mr to reflect on my own . None of my friends being there, surrounded(mostly) by people I was not fond of. Playing the role of excited expectant mother(which I was!). We all played a role. It is like watching through a window. I had become a shell of a person and detached for their sakes and my own – to protect myself. For those gazing in(who I kept it from), that snippet, the cake, laughter, gifts, it seemed normal. It is quite upsetting. Inside it was not. I know that others are not responsible for my life, it is like my abusers orchestrated it.
I am determined to live MY life. Most of my abusers are no longer a part of my life and I am fortunate for this. That itself is an achievement. We are making progress everyday. There are things I am doing now, which I did not believe I could. The things I have taught myself. To some it may seem miniscule and before I may have cared. Our lives have improved considerably. Each day we take steps towards our dreams .