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    • #12555

      Bought a new PC (for the first time in 10 years) so have been transferring files and sorting through photographs etc…and it’s the photographs that have done it tbh.

      All the faces, all the people, that I’ve lost because of what’s happened.

      People I’d been friends with for a decade before meeting him that believed him over me, not that I could blame them – my very best friend he told me lies upon lies about but they all sounded so reasonable and I believed him over her. So many of my oldest and best friends sided with him…

      The people I’d known for a good few years, and the people I’d known all my life that I had to cut out and leave behind when I fled…and they won’t forgive me for it, instead they’ve turned their backs on my whole family as a result of what I’ve done.

      And then there’s the family members that believed him. I still have nothing at all to do with them.

      It’s hit me hard tonight. The amount I’ve lost is staggering. The people I’ve lost breaks my heart.

      Anyone else?

    • #12556
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      I feel like I lost everyone. I’m trying to be a bit Buddhist about it and believe that nothing last forever and that we have to accept and am race changes in life…..but it’s easier said than done. I sometimes feel like the only person on the planet….The only Buddhist Muslim anyway! but there will be others who love and accept you. someone on here said to me that the ones who ditch u aren’t worth anyway…again easily said. I know from here and the old forum that you are really strong and lovely..so anyone who doesn’t appreciate that isn’t worthy

    • #12557

      Oh thank you…what a lovely thing to say.

      I’m trying to make new friends but it’s not easy, the only friends I seem to make are “mum-friends” as opposed to “me-friends” if that makes sense? Lovely as the women are, they’re play date for the kids friends… I miss my old friends. I wonder sometimes where it all went so horribly wrong?

      I’m so good at being cast-iron and callously making the hard decisions but every now and again the emotions of it catches up with me, and so here I am. Think if it were just one or two friends then it wouldn’t bother me so much, but it was well over a dozen friends, plus the majority of my own family. ๐Ÿ™

      I agree it doesn’t all last forever…but doesn’t it just seem it sometimes? x

    • #12564
      shine bright 2
      Participant

      Yes…totally get it. Have friends from work and friends of kids mums, but all a bit superficial. I don’t really have close friends. always spent so much time with in laws. Feel like I don’t really know how to make friends. Don’t even have someone to a support me at court, but I’m hoping I can some how make more of life for myself.y community pretty much shunned me because I spoke up.While he beat me they were all tea and sympathy but not anymore. I guess we lost lot but gained a lot.

    • #12565
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi LBP,

      Who were you before you met him, and had kids?

      What activities made you feel alive? Is there anything you’d like to get involved in that you never have, a worthwhile cause, an unusual hobby?

      Birds of a feather flock together. You may meet some real kindred spirits here, people you can have lively discussions with, who understand what makes you tick.

      I always think that it’s good for our kids to see us engaging in things for ourselves and good causes, and it’s good for us to maintain our individuality. As mums, our minds can turn to mush! And with abusive partners- well, they try to suck the individuality out of us. We are punished for trying to express our individuality.

      Well, maybe we can try to find that lost individuality- and find kindred spirits along the way X

    • #12572

      Oh ShineBright you’ve hit the nail on the head…are there any outreach services that could go with you to court? Everything you’ve said resonates so completely.

      Serenity – who was i before i met him and had a baby?
      Who knew that’d be a hard question to answer…

      I used to go BBQ’s at the beach with friends, out for lunch, out for drinks, going for coffee, would have friends round for dinner or coffee, would spend summer days lying about in the sunshine or walking down the beach, all with friends. Would spend time with family and family friends and was working – loved my jobs and was really good at them!

      I write novels and used to go running (now i have an exercise machine indoors lol)

      I agree with you about it being good for kids to see us ‘doing’ and being sociable – wish.i had some friends that weren’t mum friends you know? People to talk to, to go for coffee with while my kids at pre-school, someone seperate to having children? Even people to discuss writing with or something?

      Have definitely found myself again – no less with how I look instead of looking how he wanted me to look all the time. Dyed my hair pink the other day which my son absolutely loves ๐Ÿ™‚ though i’ll probably have to dye it a normal colour for court! Xx

    • #12574
      White Rose
      Participant

      Hi LBP I love the idea of the pink hair!
      You say you write? I’m impressed and jealous of your talent. Perhaps seek out a group nearby – maybe a book club or film club if no writers clubs around – try Meet ups on line – you never know it might work for you.
      There’s nothing wrong with “mum friends” some of my rocks were once my daughters friends mum’s now they are mine and I wouldn’t be without them.
      Take care and keep positive x*x

    • #12579

      That’s a good idea White Rose, thank you. I’ll have to have a look online ๐Ÿ™‚

      x*x

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