This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Escapee 4 days, 8 hours ago.

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  • #87394
     sunshinesbright11111 
    Participant

    Gosh.. ok I have been in this relationship on and off for atleast (detail removed by moderator) years. We met online when I was (age removed by moderator) and the age difference is (detail removed by moderator) years which yes, is ALOT. In the beginning of the relationship, he would say things like “you’re thick as pig s**t” and basically keep putting me down because I didn’t apparently articulate things as well as he did – keep in mind that you can fit my life 3x in his age. He would also comment on my accent. Then he started saying craterface (because of my teenage acne) and when I kept gaining weight because of severe depression, he would call me lardarse. Anyway in the midst of all this, I would go to his place we would do things he would say he loves me cant live without me etc then he would randomly block me so i couldnt contact him and wouldnt tell me why but then in a few days or weeks things would be good as always. A few years into the relationship, he was abroad and he kept calling me names that mean woman of the night etc and saying he can imagine several men doing things to me and saying that i have lied about being sexually abused etc. He would then be suicidal and take pills infront of me on face calls when I was in the UK knowing there wasnt much I could do so I would spend those weeks crying and hating myself. He then said he received electric shock therapy abroad which im still not sure to this day whether that was true or not. He asked me to move in with him then for when he got back to here but i would have to change my name (he decided my first name bc the name i suggested reminded him of his ex) so long story short, i had to cut off family friends everyone, lie about my identity to anyone new i have met and recently I have found out that a few years into our relationship, he has been texting his ex saying i love you i miss you x*x and then when I caught him out saying he has cancer then his child has cancer then he would do anything to see his kids etc thats why he wrote all that to her etc. All the while telling me how he is loyal etc. Also, ive stopped getting student loab recently because ive taken a gap year due to mental health etc and he has always promised he would look after me financially but i find myself in hundreds of pounds in credit card debts but when i ask him for help he wont give it to me yet when we go shopping he will keep suggesting clothes he would buy me etc so confusing. Recently ive got the courage to tell him i want to change my name into something im happy with and not be made to lie about my identity where i come from etc so then he gets all defensive and gives me the cold shoulder.. i dont know if this is healthy or not i keep feeling so upset.. any opinions would be very appreciated
    Thank you

  • #87416
     iwanttofeelbetter 
    Participant

    I would say run girl run as far as you can. I do recommend u to listen to psychologists, coaches on you tube about domestic abuse. It has opened my eyes ,personally. The first thing you need to realize its that – from what you say/write- that this is abuse. this is the first step you need to take in order to start healing. Please remember that actions speak lauder than words. What does he do to show you that he loves you: he cheats, calls u names, belittle you, rip you of your dignity, destroys your confidence, lies about caring for you, makes u give up on your family- what person who love would do all that. You are your own intelligent beautiful self- you are capable of looking after yourself, don’t need anybody else for that.
    I wish you all the best in your journey.
    Its not going to be easy, but its going to be worth living in a normal functional relationship- where you are loved, cherished, respected.

    • #87469
       sunshinesbright11111 
      Participant

      Thank you for the reply iwanttofeelbetter I really appreciate it. I find it so difficult i genuinely love him and see my future with him because he has slowly improved on things ie not calling me names anymore but then things like getting defensive and giving me the silent treatment because I want my name to be my own and same with my identity etc makes me question that? Also, with the whole family thing, i suffered quite a bit of abuse within that community and so he was i guess a hero in that he took me out of that position but now i still feel stuck

  • #87452
     Escapee 
    Participant

    Iwanttofeelbetter said it beautifully.

    Absolutely run as fast and as far away from this excuse of a man as soon as you can.

    Do not!!! tell him you are leaving; you will not be safe.

    Talk to woman’s aid – they will advise you, they are a Godsend to us.

    You are worth so much more than this manipulative piece of s**t!!

    • #87470
       sunshinesbright11111 
      Participant

      Thank you for the reply Escapee i keep going to this site over and over and I am becoming more open to the idea of getting help from womans aid .. it just isnt the life i ever pictured you know? Didnt even see this happening

  • #87527
     Escapee 
    Participant

    Sunshine girl, you do not deserve this life.

    I am guessing that you’re still quite young so you have got your whole life ahead of you and it can be truly amazing!!

    There are so many wonderful things to see and interesting, caring, positive people for you to get to know.
    Please don’t waste anymore of your life on this man. Due to the editing I don’t know how old you were when this guy made contact but I’m guessing he has got some serious issues which could possibly be of interest to the police.

    WA are absolutely brilliant. You will be under no pressure and they will help you to keep yourself safe.

    Keep safe angel xx

    • #87872
       sunshinesbright11111 
      Participant

      Hi Escapee thank you for your reply.

      I am tempted to contact Women’s Aid phoneline but I don’t really know how or where to begin.

  • #87876
     KIP. 
    Participant

    It can be difficult to get through but you will also have a local women’s aid. Just ring the helpline number. The first couple times I couldn’t speak and the lady was wonderful. Just said to take my time and she would speak for a bit. Truly wonderful ladies. Took me a couple of times and lots of tears. Just keep trying. They really know their stuff x

    • #87911
       sunshinesbright11111 
      Participant

      Hi KIP, thanks for the message. I have tried to call but it keeps going to the voicemail because they are really busy. I will try again tomorrow. Thank you for the support x

  • #87917
     Escapee 
    Participant

    Another option is to talk to your GP – They will have contact numbers for your local domestic abuse charities. Or pop into your local police station, they too will be able to sign post you. But don’t give up trying woman’s aid xxxx

    • #87946
       sunshinesbright11111 
      Participant

      It is just so crazy reading “domestic abuse”, it has been my life for a few years now and it is just baffling to think that what i thought was “tough love” or someone really caring for me etc was just abuse. I really can’t get my head around this.

  • #87948
     Escapee 
    Participant

    I know sunshine, it’s crazy.

    You deserve so much better. I truly hope you get out soon; take time out for yourself and then bump into the most amazing, caring, loving, sensitive young man that truly adores you, just for who you are.

    Xxxxx

  • #87953
     Whywhywhy 
    Participant

    i need to talk to someone

  • #87960
     Escapee 
    Participant

    We’re here whywhywhy X*X
    Start your own thread so you know when someone replies X*X (it’ll show up)

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