Really need advice!!

[Strawberrybutterfly]

Hi All, I’m new to this and feeling very trapped right now. I don’t know what steps to take first. I have children and my now ex has refused to move out, we have a joint tenancy. Has told me he is selling g things and I will need to.buy my own.. fridge etc. He drinks and gets abusive, smashes things up. He is controlling even now we are not together. He makes it hard for me to goto work because he will not tell me when he is working. When I’m at work I get accused of being unfaithful. I would have sex with him even when I didn’t want to otherwise he would ignore me and the children for days. He would make me do thinks I didn’t want to, pressure me. Make me feel like I was nothing, just a peice of meat. I need to get me and the children away. But because of what he made me do I feel like he will use it against me. I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to even say what he made me do. He is so strict with the children, i hate it. They tell me he smacks them and ither things. Please somebody help me with some guidance. I need to get away.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear what you have been going through, please ring the helpline, they are great and can help you put a plan in place to safely escape. Well done for recognising the abuse and taking the first step.

Please don’t feel ashamed about what he made you do, the shame is all his projected onto you. The sex life I had with my ex also makes me feel uncomfortable remembering it, I too always felt like a piece of meat, a blow-up doll and feel ashamed about it. But really, if they cared about us they wouldn’t treat us that way. Counselling is a great way to get it all out including all of the shame and embarassment you feel, abuse creates all sorts of confusing emotions. But right now concentrate on your safety and getting out. If you can’t get through to the helpline you can also do a search for your local service as sometimes they have helplines too that are less busy. The main one is open 24 hours so you could even ring now or later into the night.

Access all the support you need and keep going.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

call the help line and get support to make a escape plan to leave, u need supoort to help u, u can apply for a seperate house and give notice to your landlord, ask him to keep it private, there are ways you can approach your landlord but first lets get u some support. call the help line first and ask to be refer to agencies that can help u, u can make a plan how to deal with all the issues u will have in terms of childcare, contact for kids, im off to work now but will try replying later, they do make u feel like s***, but its not true, play him mat his own game , there is a light at end of tunnel, i never used to beleive that as was so trap and saw no way out, but hey im free now and u will be too

[Lisa]

Hi Strawberrybutterfly,

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

Firstly, you have nothing to be ashamed about. He is choosing to be abusive. If he is forcing you into things you don’t want to do, this is sexual abuse and rape. You are not to blame for his behavior, the only person that should be ashamed is him.

From what you have described it sounds like this situation is scary for both you and your children. Your safety is the most important thing and I would encourage you to seek support if you can.

As previously mentioned, you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. The helpline can get busy, but if you leave a message (via option 2) with a safe time to call you, a support worker will return your call.

You could also contact your local domestic abuse service for support in person. They can meet you in person and support you with a safety plan.

You may want to call the Rape crisis helpline on 0808 802 9999. They are open 12pm to 2:30pm and 7 to 9:30pm every day. They can support you if you have experienced any kind of sexual violence or abuse.

Please do seek support if you can, you deserve help.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

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