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Myself and my (detail removed by Moderator) kids left my husband (detail removed by Moderator) ago, his behaviour had become more aggressive over the last (detail removed by Moderator) months and following and incident at (detail removed by Moderator), my (detail removed by Moderator) son said he didn’t want to stay in the house, so we left. we are staying with (detail removed by Moderator), they are supportive, but I am really struggling now. Working (detail removed by Moderator) days and managing the kids/routines have changed/not having all our stuff/not enough space is getting exhausting. Have spoken with husband a few times and asked him to leave the house. He says his mental health has deteriorated(he does look bad) and he feels suicidal/can’t live without us. My emotions are all over the place swinging between so glad I’ve finally left (this is the (detail removed by Moderator) time, control and psychological abuse been going on for a few years) and feeling sad for him and wanting to just go home and pretend things never happened. He has attempted suicide in the past once when we separated. I don’t know what to do, I am considering Mediation, which he says he doesn’t want. He is having therapy, says he’s changing his behaviour, is very sorry etc etc and wants us to do Family Therapy. He has seen the kids but upset my son, who now doesn’t want to see him at all. I have read about Occupation Orders, but I have no hard evidence and I worry this might tip him over the edge. My son is nearly (detail removed by Moderator) and I worry he will just leave home if we return. It all feels like a big mess. Help! Any advice please?
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Hi Sungirl,
It sounds like there’s a lot going on, it’s no wonder you’re finding it all overwhelming.
Abuse is all about power and control and abusers don’t like to give this up so they will say whatever they think will make you come back because the way things were before you left is what suits them best. Women’s Aid would advise against either mediation or family therapy with an abuser as it is likely that they will try to use it as part of their abuse. Have you reached out to any services for support for yourself? If not, you might find it helpful to reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support. It’s normal to be struggling and experiencing confusing, conflicting emotions right now, you’re not alone in this.
If you have questions that you want to ask about Occupation Orders, you could contact DV Assist who are a specialist injunctions service with a 24 hour free helpline.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
On more than one occasion my abuser told me that they had attempted suicide and now apparently they are seriously ill but I have never had any hard evidence so it could be lies. It sounds really mean to say such things about something as serious as death by suicide but sadly abusers have been known to lie about serious things. I’ve come to realise that I can want the best for someone regarding their mental health, addictions etc and all the other things that my abuser apparently suffers, without wanting to be abused myself and I now have no contact with my abuser.
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This post was a while ago and I know things may have changed with struggles.
I ended up stopping contact via all methods after a while so I could not hear abuse. It had to happen some time and after a while I stopped contact in person then all other contact. It made me free of his garbage. Then I went and did things I enjoyed rather than listening to ex. It’s just one story and lies after another, screaming, harassing etc.
I m now free of contact from him. It’s quiet. I go out, do things I want to do and have nice weekends rather than bad weekends
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