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    • #133651
      ImFeelinglost
      Participant

      My ex has just told me he has slept with yet another women behind my back. I have no friends or family or support so he uses thus as he knows I need him. I have been crying all night we aren’t even together anymore and he said it’s my fault he did it as he thought I was doing it. I have no friends no one the only person I have to talk to is him. I mentioned about maybe going out to start to get friends to see if he would have the kids as he has moved out now and has them when he feels like it. And he was saying things like you don’t drink, why do you all of q sudden want to go out, I would take you out but that defeats the object of me trying to find some friends. I don’t know how to put my foot down or say no. He still has my keys he is in charge of my doorbell and I unplugged it once and he said it was because I had something to hide which isn’t the case it’s the fact he knows my every move and I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone and like there will never be an end or that I will ever make friends sorry not really sure why I’m posting this, just really really low

    • #133716
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi ImFeelinglost,

      I wanted to see how you are doing today? I am sorry to hear how you are feeling- I hope posting helped. You should be able to live your life as you choose. Your ex-partner sounds very abusive and manipulative. Have you got any support in place? It is a lot to deal with by yourself.

      Keep posting when you can, we are all here for you.

      Take care,

      Lisa

    • #133721
      Watersprite
      Participant

      I’m sorry you are struggling it’s so hard when relationships end especially with an abuser and especially as he continues to abuse you now. It means you can’t begin to heal. Please tell someone you need support to help you – please call women’s aid and you could tell your GP too. Support is available and you deserve thatx

    • #133725
      iliketea
      Participant

      Hi, that sounds really intense. Have you tried contacting your local DA support, might be Woman’s Aid or a different one? You could also see if there is a local group running the Freedom Programme, that could really help. Or you can do it online. How about joining some groups, whatever you’re in to? Book club, learning something new, dancing, painting. My local area has a lot of groups running outside and for free at the moment, gardening, walking, running, there’s mental health stuff, cooking, look at your local Mind centre, they always have a lot organised. Sounds like it would be good to meet new people. What about through your kids? Other parents, single mums, there’s also an app for single parents Frolo? And gingerbread online is great for advice.
      Keep posting. Hope you’re ok. Could you get the locks changed? Sounds intrusive and intense. You have a right to privacy. Xx

    • #133741
      ImFeelinglost
      Participant

      I have sent an email to my local aid to try and get some support. I don’t really know what to say to my gp as my work said would be good to make appointment. I asked him about giving me back the key and removing his stuff and (detail removed by moderator) and he just said he doesn’t see the issue with him having them and the stuff he has left isn’t clothes now it’s just his stuff like (detail removed by moderator) etc. I have reached out to my old best friend who I lost because of him and I’m trying to build support there. I will have a look online see what there is and the Freedom programme. As I really need to start building some kind of support.

    • #133758
      Whyohwhy
      Participant

      Have you found out if there are any groups at your children’s school. You could speak to the Family liaison officer. My daughter’s school run a freedom program so I am waiting to start a course there. It would be good for the school to know your situation. Your local council may be able to help you with getting your locks changed which would be a good start. You really can’t get on with your life if your ex can come and go freely. It’s bad enough my ex following me and ringing all the time but if he kept turning up. Funnily enough my ex changed his locks even though I gave him back the key, I think it was so I couldn’t go and get my stuff back! Your ex keeping his stuff there is his way of making sure he always has an excuse to turn up when he wants. At least with the locks changed he would need your permission. I am glad you reached out to an old friend, I also did but I have made so many new friends now. Just gradually keep taking back control, you don’t need his permission to change the locks or the doorbell.

    • #133833
      Auriel
      Participant

      Imfeelinglost hi, it does sound like he still has a psychological hold over you, I had the same problem with an extremely controlling and possessive ex, I was meeting up with people and the minute he phoned/text I left everything I was doing like a frightened animal (those days are over now, no contact helped) He has no right right to tell you what to do/not to do, you are your own woman, he wants to take you places as still a way of controlling you, he is acting like a puppeteer (like most abusers) your not his puppet you just tried to make a relationship work with someone who is undeserving of you or any woman, you can find your way though this, you’ve got us (may be on a forum) but you’ve got us, take care 💜❤️💜

    • #133861
      ImFeelinglost
      Participant

      Hi, no I haven’t got any support in place. I am going to call my gp tomorrow. He messaged me (detail removed by moderator) wanting to change plans with children (detail removed by moderator) and hasn’t replied when I said I had arranged something around the original plan. I don’t know why I can’t just cut the last thread. He has drilled into my head that I need him so much I can’t seem to let go in case he is right. I work at (detail removed by moderator) and think I would struggle to let them know as I don’t think I will be believed he comes across as the best thing since slice bread and it hurts that he has destroyed me so much that I literally have nothing, no one.

      • #133881
        Auriel
        Participant

        It’s classic abuser they just act like they’re really good, moral people cos they need to, if they didn’t nobody would want to know them, he’s drilled it into your head because “he” needs to believe it for his ego and his own security, he’s trying to make you believe something that just isn’t true, they all try to make us believe that that’s the case but it’s not cos we’re out of it and in much better places psychologically, emotionally, self esteem wise and everything, it’s just a training tactic a seriously pathetic one at that when you think about it + come to the realisation as well 🤗💗🧡

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