recent incidents my fault?

[confusedandtrapped]

I posted my story on here a couple of days ago.
basically I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for years, recently I found the courage to leave but my partner begged for me to stay saying his sorry he hurt me and that he now understands what he was putting me though, his promised to change and that he loves me and cant live without me.
even though the love that I had for him is more or less gone because of what he has put me through I agreed to give him one more chance, this was just over (detail removed by Moderator) ago and since then he has been really nice and I can see the effort he has been putting in to try and change.
but every time he does something little that upsets me I seem to be making it into a bigger thing than it actually is. if he rolls his eyes at me I get upset and have a go at him or if he raises his voice at me a little.
theres been a couple incidents which he says that is my fault that they started, and although I know that he has been the one abusing me I cant help but believe him, so wondered if I could get some insight on that.

(detail removed by Moderator) I went shopping on my own with out him for the first time in a while because he was ill at home, and because I didn’t answer my phone to him whilst in the shops as I was busy he was questioning what I was doing, and when I got home he said it didn’t even look like I had brought anything from the shop I said I was in. I raised my voice and asked why he didn’t believe me and showed him my receipt to prove I was in the shop I said I was. he then said that he never said he didn’t believe me (which he never) and that he just was keeping calling as he felt ill at home and it really did not look like I had brought anything from the shop I was in. so did I start that argument and get it all out of proportion in my head?
he also asked to see my phone statement, I said I would show him later but he got my account up on my phone and told me to put the password in, I had a go at him which I probably shouldn’t have saying that I said I would show him later so I am not showing him now, he said I obviously have something to hide if I don’t show it to him, this made me angry and I pointed at him saying some stuff but as I did I accidently knocked him with my finger (it wasn’t hard at all!) but then he grabbed me by my shoulder and squeezed hard and it hurt so I got upset but then he said if I hadn’t touched him first he wouldn’t have touched me, so again was that my fault?

then the next morning, he wanted to have sex with me and I agreed which I haven’t done in a while, but then my son woke up and came into our room, he wanted to carry on (my son is only (detail removed by Moderator) old.) and I said no and to stop. he then got into a bit of a mood and kept making remarks about how I don’t want him, and that he didn’t want me walking around in my underwear because his disappointed and doesn’t want to see me like that. am I wrong for being upset about that? or is it normal for him to be moody about that?

also whenever we have an argument, he changes quickly after and is really nice again and says that he is fine but moans at me if I’m still upset about it saying theres no need to be and that he is happy and I should be too, so am I holding on to the argument for too long?

I’m confused as to whether I’m to blame for recent incidents or whether he is.

[KIP.]

No you’re not to blame. You are full of anxiety so when he rolls his eyes, it’s triggering stronger anxiety because you don’t know if he’s going to kick off this time. It’s walking on eggshells. The fact that you are confused and are asking for validation on a website for domestic abuse should be proof enough. He is an abuser, abuse only gets worse. Please try to get free X

[Racoon]

You are not to blame. He is responsible for his own actions. He may be “trying to change” but sadly abusers never change. They just change their tactics.

Abuse is not usually defined by one incident. It’s a cluster of inappropriate behaviour that defines an abusive relationship.

Try and get some support via Women’s Aid they will help you with the confusion and support you if you choose to escape this abusive relationship.

“It’s so much easier to walk the path without the b****y eggshells!”

[Nova]

Hi CaT, your writing very clearly about abuse.
It won’t go away, because he says he will change, they are only Words meanwhile his Actions are saying the Opposite!

Are you happy? Or are you afraid?
Do you think that is a loving relationship that you want to stay in?

Confusion suggests there’s problems & what you describe, to us, all survivors of abusers alarming to read, to say the least..checking up on you, unreasonably,demanding sex, upsetting you, not caring at all about your feelings, minimising, causing doubt in your head, playing being Mr Nice, are all his tactics of abuse.
Maybe read through some posts about coercive control, love bombing, trauma bonding & the n********t…may help you gain more understanding?

Keep safe
Cx

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