- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 months, 3 weeks ago by
Bluebirds.
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18th August 2024 at 11:34 pm #170748
Bluebirds
ParticipantI’ve not been with my partner now for a while (now ex). I’ve just found out that he’s been badly injured on (detail removed by Moderator) ended up in hospital etc… I’ve had no messages off him (detail removed by Moderator) when I got most of my things. My anxiety is now going through the roof since hearing of his injury. Firstly is he ok and then Am I awful for not messaging? But then why hasn’t anyone messaged me. His mum? Dad? Friend? Out of respect surely. It is a recent split and we were together over a (detail removed by Moderator). I’m thinking they all think I’m an absolute awful person! I’ve had a little breakdown and I have no idea what the right thing to do is.
I find it odd he hasn’t messaged but in my view he’s doing it on purpose. Obviously it’s awful he’s injured but I can’t help still feel mad at him. None of his manipulative tactics won me over this time and I finished It for good. He has so much support from everyone and I’m left with crippling anxiety trying to pick my life up. Starting from scratch. It really isn’t fair and now this I feel like I’ve gone back a hundred steps. If I reach out to him I feel like he’s won but in this situation what’s right??! Help please anyone.
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18th August 2024 at 11:57 pm #170749
Bluebirds
ParticipantCant help but feel guilty 🙁
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19th August 2024 at 7:40 am #170751
minimeerkat
Participantits difficult when a person is manipulative especially when all you want to do is be genuine & show your concern. if it felt safe would sending a message through via a third party help at all
youve nothing to feel guilty about – you would actually be caring for & supporting your ex partner if he hadnt been abusive x
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19th August 2024 at 12:07 pm #170755
Bananaboat
ParticipantDon’t beat yourself up, you’re human it’s not like your empathy ended because the relationship did! It’s ok to still care about someone you can’t be with and have history with. Whilst it’s perfectly normal to be annoyed at his family/friends you don’t know what story he’s told them (probably that he’s the victim!!) or how busy they’ve been. How have you found out now?
Maybe send a short text along the lines of ‘sorry to hear about your injury, hope you’re ok’ and leave it as that. Be wary of being dragged back into his ways or hoovered, just grey rock if he starts blaming you, looking for a fight or declaring his love or that he’s changed. Similarly don’t be surprised if he doesn’t respond – do what’s right for you and as an empathy sometimes we just need to express that we’re sorry/we care so our brains don’t go into overdrive x
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19th August 2024 at 6:00 pm #170767
Bluebirds
ParticipantI found out by (detail removed by Moderator) social media. I feel absolutely awful today constantly crying. I feel like I’ve gone back a hundred steps. As if the break up wasn’t hard enough.
I briefly spoke to him just told me about his accident and that it was the scariest time of his life. Very brief he seemed he didnt want to speak much but I’m glad i did or I wouldn’t rest. First time we’ve spoken on phone in over a (detail removed by Moderator). I can’t help but feel guilt now that I wasn’t there and all this is happening and questionining my decision 🙁
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