Recently split up in need of help and advice

[Catlady05]

I’m newbie here looking for lots of help….I’m going crazy, can’t stop crying…recently had the courage to tell him that its over after (detail removed by moderator) And mental abuse..kids are all grown up now….trying to apply for housing, get help with money as I don’t work and have illnesses…I’m suffering with my mental health and anxiety….can’t go out as have panic attacks due to him always accusing me of seeing someone.. there’s a lot gone on…being followed by private I, bugs on computer, cameras on house, constantly checking up on me…my mums really poorly so can’t help me with stuff….I just don’t know where to turn to I feel like I have nothing and nobody.

[minimeerkat]

just saying hello & letting you know you are certainly not alone. im also fairly new here but been out a while. like you i have problems (agoraphobia & fibromyalgia because of the trauma?) am on a waiting list for trauma therapy. do not have the support of family & am extremely isolated. have been trying for such a very long time to try & connect with others who have been through the same thing (make a friend even). but because of the agoraphobia & never using social media etc etc it has sadly been impossible for me to do this. all i can tell you is that when i got him out (after 20 years) the most helpful place for me was my local domestic abuse charity. i could always ring & speak to someone & they were absolutely brilliant (even when i was sobbing my heart out & fearful). they also have support workers who can then advise you with so very much. i know its almost overwhelming in the beginning re who to call & what to do. but please give them a call first if you can just to get you started. even if its just a listening ear initially so you dont feel so alone & confused etc. just small steps that you feel you are able to make. even posting on here is a good start as someone who is or was in a very similar situation to you can help point you in the right direction. wish i could be more help but perhaps the other more experienced women can advise you better. sending you the biggest hug & hoping you find lots of strength & courage at the moment knowing that you are definitely not alone – as we are all here for you x

[Broadbodiedchaser]

I’ve recently left my husband after (detail removed by Moderator) years of emotional abuse. My advice would be keep a note book, obviously somewhere safe. Or send emails to yourself (make sure he doesn’t know the password, change it occasionally). Get some counselling. My first counsellor seemed ‘cold’ and I found it hard to talk but my second has been amazing. Could you chat via zoom when your husband is out? You say your Mum is ill but could you visit her and use a phone?

These are short term solutions for now but they would help you record things, identify patterns of behaviours and make you secure in yourself to realise what behaviours are going on. This will help you to cope on the interim. Also speak to your doctor and make sure the cause of your stress gets recorded in your medical notes. You might need to apply for legal aid and they usually request records from your doctor or another figure ‘in authority’.

It might be worth chatting with the CAB about accessing money. Set up an account to set aside some money to pay a months rent up front. Have you a friend who could help you leave?

[Catlady05]

Thanks ladies….I come over to my mums to use her computer where ip isn’t traced. I’ve set up all new accounts & passwords…I’ve got to sort out power of etorny for mums affairs as she’s had sever stroke…I have regular updates with doctor who notes everything…I’ve applied for housing…im in contact this wk for sicknote off doctors to apply for universal credits….im going to wellbeing group hopefully next mth if I can get somebody to come with me. I have spoke to c.a.b who were very helpful also women’s aid

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