Recognising old patterns in myself and do I say something?

[Melonballs]

Hello ladies!  I hope you’re all doing as well as you can be ❤️

I haven’t been on here for a while, but I’ve some issues that have raised their heads,and I had an epiphany at work today.

This is a long one, get your coffee and biscuits!

A bit of back story…..  Back in (detail removed by moderator), I was asked to walk out with someone I’d known for quite a while, but never really spoken to, until I started to socialise properly again. (I’d been single for (detail removed by moderator) at this point, but had a couple of ‘daliances’).  Due to work and other commitments, we didn’t then see each other till the end of (detail removed by moderator).  A mutual friend had told me he liked me, but was unsure whether and how to approach me.  He knew I’d had it rough with the ex.

I think she more or less pushed us together!  We went for days out alone, and nights out with ‘the gang’, and found we got on well together.  All over a (detail removed by moderator) week time period.

The first time I stayed at his, ((detail removed by moderator) and it was late), I slept on the sofa fully clothed. The second time in his bed, but still fully clothed.

We met one weekend afternoon for a few drinks and he suggested going back to his to (detail removed by moderator). We laid on his bed, (detail removed by moderator), then one thing led to another and we ‘slept’ together.

The following (detail removed by moderator), he came to mine for drinks, and told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship.  (He has (detail removed by moderator) which he masks very well, and his been single for years also).  We had a good chat and I admitted my squirrels were running riot, and that we were both adults and the previous (detail removed by moderator) was good, but we should carry on as mates.  We then proceeded to get a bit tiddly and he stayed at mine. No strings or sex.

We have continued to go out with the gang, but have met up for pre-drinks at his, (purely because of his location), then gone out together.  This weekend we were (detail removed by moderator).

At the end of the night, we went back to his again and was intimate again.

My epiphany today was, I think I have pushed it too far too soon by following old patterns of being intimate far too quickly as per old relationships.  Do I say anything to him about it, or just back off completely?  )I try not to message him a lot due to the (detail removed by moderator), and us both liking our own spaces, (it bugs me when I get a lot of messages in the space of a short time))!

Throughout all this he has been very gentlemanly and not pushed for anything.

The squirrels are beyond riots now, and I have a fully fledged war zone going round my head!😳🤔

Thanks for any input anyone may have 😘 xx

 

[DesperateHousewife101]

Hi Melonballs, well done on getting back into the dating game! Just wanted to say, and I don’t know how helpful it is but it sounds like it’s not you, it’s him. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Sleeping with you and then backing off and getting you to (knowingly or not) effectively agree to friends with benefits it’s really b****y cheeky especially if you want something and someone serious.

I guess you need to consider how much you like him and whether you want to see where it goes to decide how to approach it with him. If he likes you enough he can give you time until you’re ready and trust him enough to not back off again, to be intimate again.

I’ve given it away quickly in the past but I don’t believe the future of a relationship is down to how soon you bed someone. It can make a difference but it’s more about your chemistry, values, etc. Maybe sleeping with them sooner you’re just getting to know them quicker and able to get an idea on their sense of longevity!

Only you can know what’s next given the context of your past experiences. My own experiences tell me this man of yours is up for a good time not a long time and that may work for you or not – but I’m not in it so really can’t judge!
Good luck with it. And trust your gut x

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