Recurring guilt

[jsscollie]

I’m really starting to value the survivors forum as I become more familiar with everyone’s situation. It does feel like survival from one day to the next. (detail removed by Moderator) She was aware we’d split up and didn’t want to know the details (she’s still in touch with both of us) and automatically I feel guilty again in the disruption before Christmas. Today is hard.

[lover of no contact]

Hi jsscollie,

Staying close to this Forum by posting and reading the posts will strengthen you and change your thinking. I thought every human person thought like me. I didn’t know that abusers have a different agenda to us. I didn’t know that my ex-husband got a kick out of seeing me hurt and in distress. Reading the posts on here keeps my awareness up. I recognize my abusers patterns and behaviours in all of the abuser’s mentioned on here by the other ladies. The abusers are not special. They are not unique. They are boringly similar.

My default personality is to put up with unacceptable behaviour. Unacceptable behaviour towards me has a ring of normality because I was reared in an environment of unacceptable behaviour. And my father put up with unacceptable behaviour, so I learned to put up with it also.

This Forum reminds me not to tolerate unacceptable behaviour but I can forget from day to day, so I need to keep touching base with this Forum very, very regularly.

You are finding today hard but it is good you reached out for support. You deserve as much support as you can get so keep posting when you need to.

[jsscollie]

Thanks lovely. I’ve been reading through the #16days of domestic abuse myths being set straight by Women’s aAid on social media and burst into tears. Had so many of them used towards me especially in recent months – I’m still reeling from how common abusive behaviour is.

[Author]

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