Red flag?

[Starmoon]

Hi I just wanted somewhere to let off steam.. im not sure if I see red flags where there isn’t any?! since the relationship with my ex I’m really paranoid. I ignored the signs with him so much and swore I wouldn’t do that if there was ever a next time…

so recently met someone I liked and seemed to get on so well, then I suddenly got this gut feeling he was hiding something, like in a relationship or married maybe. He only called from his car and was super sketchy over making plans. We’d arranged a date, then he said he couldn’t go… he’d been the one that was super keen with msgs and calls though.

I asked him outright if he was married which he denied but he wouldn’t tell me his last name and made a joke about telling me next time he saw me.. then I didn’t hear from him for ages so assumed that was that, deleted him.. then suddenly he msged me again asking for another date. I agreed and once again he dropped it out there that he could potentially be doing something els on the day we were supposed to meet… but still said don’t worry he wants to meet me. I know it sounds pathetic in comparison to other people’s situations and to things I’ve been through myself, I just don’t want to miss the signs.
It felt like he was dropping a hint that he wasn’t going to be free so I said we should just leave it if he was going to be busy every time we tried to arrange something.
He basically said fine but he wasn’t even saying he wasn’t going to be free, so then I felt like maybe I’d gotten it wrong..But why even mention it then.. it’s already sent my head in a spin.

I’ve said it’s not really fair as I’ve arranged a baby sitter twice now and he’s been so hit and miss, because I don’t know his last name it makes me want to withdraw and not trust him anyway… but regardless, I’ve said I’m sorry if I’ve gotten it wrong. His reply was to say that he’s not sure if he wants to meet me now after what I’ve said but he will think about it! I don’t know if I’ve over reacted with the situation and I know it’s not really a massively serious situation.
I’ve done about as much healing as I can from my ex but I feel like I won’t ever be able to trust anyone again and it’s not even like I don’t have good reason because it feels like all men these days are liars 😔

[Hetty]

Trust your gut. I can’t stress this enough. Mind games already. This is not you. This is not you having trust issues. When someone is honest and has your best interests at heart it won’t leave you feeling uncertain and uncomfortable, end of.
Trust yourself ❤️

[KIP.]

I agree. Trust your gut, the signs are there and if someone cancelled on me once the first time I wouldn’t give them a second chance. They have to actually want to meet me and be committed to meet me. Not just fit me in when it suits them. Not giving a second name might be ok until you meet someone, usually I’d say for Women to protect themselves. Certainly once you meet someone if they don’t want to give their second name then no second date. Keep your standards and boundaries high. You deserve better x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi absolutely red flags. My oh wouldn’t tell me his last name either, it was because he was married at that time too. Arranging to meet then continually cancelling is a sign he is either just not that into you or he has other commitments. Trust your gut, you won’t hurt his feelings, he sounds like a player.
IWMB 💞💞

[Starmoon]

That’s what I thought.. we have already met and got on so well but it was arranging the second date, first he was free, then he wasn’t… so we both said we’d wait until the following week.. but then he was free but didn’t bother to see if I wanted to still meet… at this stage I thought things seemed off so I asked his last name and if he was married but he wouldn’t tell me his last name and made a joke of it. I told him clearly that it felt like he was messing me about and then he dropped out that he’d been talking to someone about doing something on the day we were supposed to meet… but then added that he still wanted to see me. I don’t see why he even mentioned that there was a chance he could do something els, if he wasn’t planning on doing it. When I pulled him up on it he’s said he wasn’t even going to do this thing, he was just talking about it and he can’t be doing with the drama. So now I’m sat wondering if I’ve over reacted. My ex used to cancel plans with me last minute when we first got together and then later on he gaslighted me and would say we’d never even made plans and that is was me who’d misunderstood the situation… then when I got upset I’d feel like I was unreasonable to be upset… but how do other people deal with it when someone lets them down. I completely understand if there’s a genuine reason and would try to give the benefit of the doubt x

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