Red flags

[Redlocks]

Hi,
I recently came out of only a (detail removed by Moderator) month relationship but on our second date I told him (detail removed by Moderator). He consequently would not drop this and the next time I saw him he got super angry, spoiling our day with constantly trying to question me as to why I thought it was acceptable. Bearing in mind the is booked before I knew him. I was crying and in the end he didn’t leave despite me saying so and he stayed. The same topic kept going in a circle and he really wanted me to cancel but everytime I said, you want me to cancel and I’ll contact my friend he told me no, you should do what you think is right. It’s like it was all a test. Was I going to do what he said?! I was so confused. I thought this was a red flag- I reached out to my mum who advised me to go to Clare’s law and make a request.
We moved fast and in (detail removed by Moderator) had booked a holiday. The day before we went the police called me to make a disclosure, I was sworn to secrecy. I was in a dilemma, anxious. I didn’t tell him anything and we went on the holiday and it was great. When I got back I went back online to meet someone who would validate my thoughts about the red flags. I never told him that. (Detail removed by Moderator). We broke up and he blocked me, then a week later he turned up at my house and wanted to make a go of things again. After that I got blocked again and then he sent me such long a toxic emails (detail removed by Moderator).  In my ignorance I ignored all this because I liked him despite his put downs and knowing things were not right. (Detail removed by Moderator).

[Lisa]

Hi Redlocks,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be with others who understand.

It is often with hindsight that the red flags become more obvious, at the time they can be brushed aside by the whirlwind of the beginning of the relationship. It sounds like you have recognised his abusive ways and taken action, so be proud of yourself for that. You might find now an appropriate time to access The Freedom Programme, if you have not already done so.

If you feel like you are in need of some support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Redlocks]

Thank you I think the freedom program will help a lot.

[Author]

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