Rediscovered healing power of music

[Serenity]

I’ve mentioned how my ex made me hate music- although I used to be passionate about it.

Firstly, he didn’t share my taste in music. He used to make faces or literally turn my music off- but then go and turn his on. I didn’t mind him playing his music at first, and in fact much of the time, but it got to the point where I felt that it was just another way of him imposing himself on everyone. I began hating it.

As I was never allowed to listen to music- and my taste was laughter at- I stopped listening to it, except sometimes, when in the car alone on my way back from work, and when I would listen to my beloved oldies, and I then stopped listening to music at all. It triggered too much emotion, just like- in my traumatised state- I couldn’t take loud noise or crowds.

This week, I heard a song which I
used to love as a teenager. I messsged an old friend a link, and we began reminiscing. That started me off looking up old songs which I used to love, and something lovely has happened: the music is lind of bringing to life that part of me that he killed- the dreamy, relaxed part of myself. I’ve been listening to the music I used to love all week, and its like watering a dried plant- a welcome oasis after my horrible me experience of going into some kind of toxic shock earlier this week.

I’m now inspired to do some paintings ( I used to draw and paint all the time) and to write again. Without wanting to blow my own trumpet, I used to win the English prize quite often and an old teacher who I bumped into a few years ago said she always imagined that I would write ( at that time, I am afraid I was atrsumatised shell- and this was before my ex left; I wonder if she could see how ill I was). I wouldn’t write or paint for any reason other than I feel it’s an important part of me, part of me that he tried to wreck.

I think – if you feel your abuser wrecked your identity – maybe try to go back to the things you loved before you met him, before he damaged you. It might stir up old passion and strength x

[Eve1]

Go for it
xx

[Positiveandlookingahead]

I do this myself I think he found it strange how I would sing and dance to music on a daily basis lol I think it made him realise exactly what a miserable person he was! I realised I stopped singing in the shower, singing around the house when I was with him. The bottom line is I couldn’t be myself I didn’t recognise myself after a while because everything I did to make myself happy according to him was OTT. Can you believe it? He wanted to kill my sparkle! They’re such fools it’s unreal. Letting someone listen to their choice of music is such a normal thing but they just will not allow it. They wanted us to be morphed into their world of silly, childish completely party pooper way of thinking. How sad are they! They can’t even appreciate such a wonderful feeling of having a boogie to the music you like. They even wanted that to be a dreadful experience for us. I am beginning to think they are seriously deluded and need serious help!

[Suntree]

Serenity,

Very true, well for me also. the music i went back to is the music where I was carefree and enjoying life.
I have just realised my I am no-longer watching my accent and recoil if someone comments on it when it gets stronger. instead I am smiling, because he would always use it against me to belittle me and make me smaller and he would do this around his so called friends to add more force to it.
I put sugar in my drinks if I want to.
My house is getting decorated not because there are the neighbours to keep up with or a point needed proved but because it is the normal thing to do.
So many simple things that were eroded but the spirit was not and now it has time to come out and slowly flourish again. Music for me is helping.

[Author]

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