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    • #116517
      Stella
      Participant

      I’m just asking a general question really about refuges. I am getting closer and closer to the stage where I want to leave but am so scared about having to go to a refuge. Our house is in my name. My children won’t be able to come with me as they are (detail removed by moderator) and to be honest although they know how he treats us isn’t right, they are slowly going off the rails and would refuse to leave our home and friends. I feel like I’ve left it too late and am now not only going to have to leave my husband, my beautiful home that I have worked so hard for and worst of all my children. The only thing I could’ve been good at would’ve been being a mum but its backfired on me because I know now that if I’d left when they were little they would have such different/better lives and good examples. I feel like a complete failure and feel like I have nothing left.

    • #116582
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hi Stella just seen this so many women are posting at the moment – guessing lockdown is making things a whole lot worse. I can’t answer on refuge but hoping someone else will see this and respond. I can say I fled after years and years and although it is tough it does get easier and I miss my home and parts of my former life but not him and most of all we are free and safe at last. Call women’s aid for advice. Could you speak to a solicitor? Some people have been able to get an occupation order so they can stay and the abuser has to leave? Safety first they become very unpredictable when you are growing in strength keep your cards close to your chest and good luck on your journey x keep reaching out

    • #116591
      JoyForever
      Participant

      Hi Stella,

      I have lived in a refuge before. All I can say is that they do provide you a very safe space and will give you room to breathe. There is support and advice in place, which will give you time to think on what to do next. There is no pressure and the decision will be up to you.

      I am a single woman with no kids, so I can’t give you specific advice on some matters. However, I have seen many women with children come to the refuge and there are rules in place to enable a peaceful environment.

      Please feel free to ask any questions. Going to a refuge can be daunting but for me it was the best decision. I have been given a place on my own and have started full-time work. I am now free from all the abuse that I suffered – it feels so good to go and leave home in peace!

      • #116676
        Stella
        Participant

        Thank-you. I think I will end up having to go because I can’t take it for much longer. It’s making me ill (detail removed by Moderator).i would rather him just beat me up or something, it would hurt less than the emotional abuse and games and at least if I had physical evidence people would see how much its affecting me.
        I’m glad you managed to get out x

    • #116729
      JoyForever
      Participant

      So sorry to hear that Stella. Mine was also emotional and psychological but thank God the council still believed and referred me. You can always call the Domestic Abuse Helpline which is open 24/7. I didn’t need to provide evidence; my word was enough.

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