Refusing to pay..

[maddog]

I know I’m not alone with this one! My ex moved out on the advice of the police. He thinks he has done us a favour and now he has his own rent I should pay for all the children’s extra activities. They are living with me and go and stay with him occasionally. (Detail removed by Moderator)

I know what and who my ex is. As the dust settles after his departure, I am reeling with fury at what he has done to the children and what he has done to me.

[KIP.]

They financially abuse to try to regain some control. My ex cancelled all direct debits before his arrest when he was trying to regain control. Even his child’s club. I had to run round in a panic and domwhat I could but it made me even more determined not to go back or ask him for anything. I did ask him for something for our child through a solicitor and his response was that the child had to ask him himself! He will never ever be reasonable so my advice is to cut him from the equation and use a solicitor. Keep ringing Rights for Women for free legal advice. Might save you some money.

[maddog]

I doubt that my ex will be arrested. WA are getting in touch with my solicitor. Not sure if CSA will be any use.

[KIP.]

He was arrested for an assault. Once he lost control of me he had nothing to lose and couldn’t help himself. I think his attempt at financial control was getting desperate. Just stay safe. You can threaten to arrest his wages if he isn’t paying his fair share. Have you done a financial disclosure?

[lover of no contact]

Mine too stopped my housekeeping (I know, I know can’t believe I allowed him to give me money weekly) he would never let me have a joint account (lucky for me in the end as I avoided some of his debt). He stopped my housekeeping when he knew I was planning to leave and he started to do the weekly shop. I was not working outside the income as I had had jobs like (Detail removed by Moderator) so I always contributed plus I kept back none of a big inheritance (I put it all into his business) which I mistakenly thought would be for the good of the family.

I feel for you. The time I went to the bank pass machine and realised he wasn’t going to put funds in it, my heart sank. It was awful. I too was angry. Just know you’ll come through this horrible part of it. I have to admit I used to grovel and beg him for money. I remember him once (I had no money for petrol in my car) standing above me and throwing a five pound note down to me. It floated to the ground and I actually picked it up I was that desperate. All my dignity gone out the window.

I might have begged him for the money but at least I didn’t beg for him back! I wanted to..but I wouldn’t let myself.

The feeling of dignity (not begging for the relationship back or not agreeing to go back into the relationship with him to be treated badly) is worth its weight in gold.

Keep posting. This is a tough phase but remember…

This Too Will Pass.

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