Regrets of how this effected my children

[Tamar]

Regrets for the effects my relationship had on them. My ex was unpredictable, never knew which version he would be. I tried to protect my children from witnessing this. But at times they did. I should have left when they were pre school instead of waiting til they were adults. But I didn’t know if I could and didn’t want to make things worse. They said when younger if we left they would still have to see him. He was always right in his eyes and would have taken me through the courts to see them . He knew how to manipulate and bully. I ended up I couldn’t make choices my mind was so worn down. In the end it was because he had an affair that the relationship ended. He found someone else and in doing this freed me from my prison.

I have tried to say sorry to my children , but they don’t want to discuss the situation. They see both of us albeit separately. It’s me they spend Christmas and birthdays with.

I did my best. But wish I had been stronger.

[Lisa]

Hi Tamar,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing this with us, I know it will resonate with a lot of the women here. I hope that you find having this space to share support helpful.

You did do your best and that’s important. It’s very hard to leave an abuser, especially with no support. When you’re experiencing domestic abuse, there’s so much emotion, so much fear, that sometimes it doesn’t leave space for planning and leaving, the unknowns of that can be overwhelming. You did your best to get yourself and your children through as safely as you could. Lots of women do stay because of fear about their children being with the abuser but without them there as a protective influence, you’re not alone in that. It sounds really difficult that your children aren’t open to that conversation, but it’s maybe something that they’re just not ready to hear yet.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (8am – 6pm weekdays and 10am – 6pm weekends/bank holidays). They won’t tell you what to do but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
(Forum Moderator)

[Sungirl]

Try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s so hard to leave. And when you have kids I think it’s harder, as there are so many things to work out. You did the best you could in that situation.

[browneyedmum]

The kids are likely deeply ashamed of their dad. They’ll come to you eventually to discuss it. When they’re ready xX.

[Author]

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