Relationship after abuse

[Harriet123]

So I met a guy about (detail removed by Moderator) months ago, he’s really lovely so nice to me and we were having lots of fun together. But I’ve started to feel differently about this, he’s so nice to me, he would literally do anything for me, he compliments me etc. and not once has he showed me any red flag. But for some reason, I hate it, I hate the compliments, I hate the fact he likes me, I feel like it’s all going so quickly (even though it’s not really going that quick) but just all of the nice things just make me feel uncomfortable.

It’s been nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years since I left my ex, although he hasn’t been out of my life as we have a child together. But why even after all this time can I not handle it when someone is nice to me.

Is this normal?

[Lisa]

Hi Harriet123,

Thank you for sharing with us. It is natural to go through a range of emotions and feelings after experiencing abuse. Have you had any support or counselling for the abuse you experienced? You might find it helpful to explore Bloom. Bloom offer free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at https://bloom.chayn.co/. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Keep posting to let us know how you are when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Ilovemypooch]

Hi,

Just want you to know you are worthy of being loved and deserve someone who will treat you right.

I hope you can overcome the uncomfortable feeling of being loved and find true happiness now or in the future

[Harriet123]

Thank you! I hope I can too. I don’t want to spoil something nice with a genuinely nice guy just because of the issues I have had in the past!

[StrongLife]

I too have had issues with dating – finding men with red flags, no dating at all and not interested. I have found someone but unknown to me they had partner. Online dating was no good.

Others I’ve just not been interested in or they have been married.

I’ve enjoyed quiet lifestyle with no men around. Enjoyed my life rather than someone else’s.

[purple7rain]

Harriet123,

I’m at the same point in my life. I left an abusive relationship last year and am talking to someone who I have been open and honest with about previous struggles, and he’s been fantastic. He’s been first and foremost a good friend, and we’ve both admitted we are attracted to each other but I don’t feel I can pursue a relationship at the moment.

I’ve still got ongoing legal issues with my ex, and I feel bad dragging someone else into this. That being said it could be 2 x years until all of this is sorted, and I don’t want to be on my own for that long. Equally the thought of having to trust anyone again scares me.

I got used to constantly treading on egg shells / being insulted / feeling on edge / everything was my fault and everything else that came with an abusive relationship. It feels wrong to not have to put up with it anymore? If you understand me? It’s strange. The thought of someone being nice to me in a relationship seems alien, and I can’t quite work it out in my head! Apologies I feel I’m blabbering on now. I wish you all the best with your recovery x

[Author]

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