26th June 2019 at 3:53 am #81706BruisedbutbraveParticipant
I know I am starting a topic which is not easy to digest
I am muslim British Pakistani
I am a survivor of domestic abuse
I am finding my way back to life
It’s not an easy path. With a heart and soul bruised so deeply ,I have to get up every single day and tell myself “it was not my fault.i am not stupid .I have a kind heart and I tried to make everyone happy and accepted so much abuse in my life that I forgot what was normal and what was abuse.
I feel guilty every single day for letting my children be part of toxic abusive marriage for so long
I am angry and bitter and I hate to be unkind
I am bruised and it hurts when your own family dont show any love and kindness
When they have no word of acknowledgement leave alone appreciation for your sacrifices
I am angry when Islam is used to allow every male in my life to abuse
Islam ,which means peace is used in such horrific way to satisfy someone’s person ego and agenda
I have a strong faith and connection with my creator and that’s the only thing which kept me alive despite all this abuse
I believe in karma
I believe his just ,kind
I believe he is testing me and I will come out stronger
This abuse will not break me .it will make me strong.
I wish i can just erase my past toxic life and start all over again .
I wish a world which is beautiful and safe
There is peace and kindness
Acceptance and equality
Health and happiness
26th June 2019 at 10:48 am #81721FlowerchildParticipant
So sorry your faith is being tested on this way by cynical people who wield it against you, darling
Sad to say, there’s not a faith on earth that hasn’t been abused this way to silence, marginalise and control women (and children too, and even men themselves sometimes).
Even when the tenets of the faith are about peace, love, forgiveness, kindness etc etc, it can easily switch to being told you have to obey or submit or forgive wrongs done to you or hand over your money and important decisions to someone who hurts you.
Abusers will turn anything into a weapon, and deceive others into colluding and covering for them, especially authority figures.
Try to go back to your faith’s book – cut out the people telling you what and how to read – and strengthen yourself with the true elements you find there.
You’ll find it can be very empowering to know and be able to quote what is actually there when you are being lectured by an abuser?
Blessings on you this day and always, darling.
26th June 2019 at 11:02 am #81722Twisted SisterParticipant
This is on them, not you. They have subverted religion to suits their own selfish and abusive desires.
Not faith, just abuse.
Please do not take responsibility for his abuse. Its his, and you didn’t want it or ‘let him’
You worked at your relationship, pressured to accept the unacceptable. The guilt is his alone. Blame him for his actions and holdhim responsible.
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