(Title removed by Moderator)

[Whatislove]

Hi all. I haven’t posted in a while. Last time police were getting involved and I was scared and ashamed.
Long story short my husband & me broke up at the (detail removed by Moderator) after many years of verbal, mental & physical abuse, coupled with his cheating on me, harassing me & stalking me if I ever tried to leave before. I went no contact & was fine until he popped back up after a few months & started his campaign to get me back. Social services got involved, he can no longer see our child until CAFCASS do an assessment. The police have arrested him a number of times, (detail removed by Moderator). (detail removed by Moderator). He has previous for domestic but has never been to prison. He’s in one now (detail removed by Moderator) and it freaks me out. I keep feeling so guilty. All of the contact (detail removed by Moderator) were him pouring his heart out telling me he loves me, the classic I think we’ve all heard “he’d die for me” and such. I know it’s all c**p as I’ve heard it all before & I know he should respect my wish to move on & that I don’t love him anymore. But it’s the manipulation from so many years of being told that it’s all my fault & I can’t help but feel sick that he’s sitting in a cell somewhere maybe upset, most likely fuming with me for reporting (detail removed by Moderator)- I put him there! I mean, I know I did as I involved the police. I know it was the right thing as his behaviour was escalating & he could’ve hurt me again, so why do I feel so guilty & worried for him? So many mixed emotions about this. Everyone around me is cheering that I’ve finally stood up to him & he’s being punished accordingly with what he’s done. Why am I so mixed up and feeling like this is all my fault?

[KIP.]

You did not put him in jail. He did that himself when he broke the law on more than one occasion. You gave him chance after chance. And we now know that this is the most dangerous time for a woman when she breaks up and the abuse and risk escalates. He chose to break the law not you and is now being held accountable for his actions. He’s brainwashed you for years using fear obligation and guilt. FOG. it took me two years to stop feeling guilty and worrying about his welfare. While he spent the money he stole from me, stalked and harassed me, put is new gf who was his mistress all over fb. Turned our child against me, spread horrendous lies about me. Two years of zero contact so I know how deep this brainwashing goes. Abusers destroy our mental and physical health and that of our children. I know the anxiety you’re feeling but try to take this time of safety and peace for yourself and your child. He’s an adult, he’s not your responsibility and perhaps now he knows there are real consequences to his actions he may think again before hurting you, and by hurting you, hurting your child. Your child deserves a happy mum, free from fear and abuse. A mum who can use all her headspace to make memories and encourage and love and help her child in every way. Setting examples of strength that nobody is allowed to abuse. Children from an abusive parent are far more likely to be abused as an adult so your doing it for them too. You won’t always feel guilty. There are more stages to go through and one is anger. And rightly so. How dare he!

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