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Finding today really hard.
We’ve now had access to partner’s kids stopped as he is a key worker and, despite working from home as much as he can, he has travelled a couple of times this week and his ex is concerned he may pass something on to them. I get it. But he doesn’t and I can see the frustration building. Very quiet.
For some reason, the peace (I’ve honestly barely heard a sound all day) has made me think of all the good times and where on earth have they gone. Does anyone else do that, check back through texts to ‘this time last year’ or such-like? It’s not healthy for me but I can’t help it. I’ve had to hold back tears and, frustratingly, the one person that would make me feel better is him and I can’t ask for the comfort. There’s no point as he’d reject me. And so the cycle then starts again in my head.
Losing track of what day of the week it is now. Look in the mirror and skin all dry and horrid. Just don’t know where I went.
Stay safe everyone x
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Thanks KIP x
His drinking is out of control too. I know he shouldn’t be driving. It’s on my mind to do something about this too as it’s wrong but I don’t know what as I know I’d just get blamed and things would be worse still.
My head feels like it’s going to explode with all the thoughts running through it.
I thought the last couple of years had been hard but this is a whole new level of struggle and walking on eggshells now. I get a few seconds of relief when I wake up and forget and then it all comes piling on to me. Tense shoulders all day. Criticised even because of the way I’m sat on the sofa. I’m so worn out, have never felt so tired in my life. x x
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