reporting things to the police

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone,

As I’m still in the process of deciding to report or not, I wondered if any of you has experience with reporting a (historic) rape with the police and them either not believing you or telling you that they won’t invite your abuser for an interview due to lack of evidence and everything happening so long ago?

If you do, how did you cope with that emotionally? How did you cope with the fact that he had done something horribly to you and was going to get away with it?

Take care,

Gardengirl

[Borntobefree]

Hi hun
You can still report it
I did but police did nothing as there was lack of evidence it would be his word against mine

But it will be in file if anything else comes up on him in the future x

[Anonymous]

Thanks for writing back!

Didn’t they even invite him to ask him questions? That seems so unfair.

I’m not interested in having anything in file with the police, as to be honest, I don’t care what he does in the future. I care about what he has done to me.

Were you not terribly angry and disappointed with the police?

[Ayanna]

Years ago I was raped by someone and I never reported it because I knew that the police would never believe me.
That was in another country.
But the thing is, I will find him one day and then God shall have mercy on him.

[Borntobefree]

Hi yes
He was bailed after bailed

He had a good character reference

I was the one with the problem for putting up with the abuse..

Iam left pyscolicaly traumatised now

But oh when the fog lifted

I found some hard evidence
He also sexually abused someone else before me

And a lot more

And still the police blamed me not him

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Gardengirl,

You could ring 101 anonymously and ask them how they handle historic rape cases, I rang anon and asked about reporting coercive control when I was scared and confused. In the end I reported him and am glad I did.

If you report him and it goes on file like Borntobefree said, it could help bring a prosecution if other women report him in future, or have reported him in the past.

[KIP.]

I had an extremely positive experience on the whole. I reported historic rape, was totally believed, a full investigation, his family, friends, exes, colleauges were all questioned. He was removed from his bed early hours and taken in for questioning. At the end of the day i needed corroboration from other victims and i still hold out hope that some woman some day will have the courage to speak up. That could be you. At the end of the day i told the police everything about a nasty rapist that would go to jail for a long time if i had the evidence. But my conscience is clear. I reported him to the police. Hes their problem now and hes on their radar.

[Anonymous]

Hi KIP,

Thanks for answering.

Why did they ask questions to his family, friends, exes and colleagues? They weren’t there when he raped you, right?

I really do not understand the Britsh system (I’m from abroad)… juries, good character references…

[KIP.]

Rape crisis are a great organisation. They have a helpline and will go with you to report it if you need support. I cant tell other women what to do but i would never discourage anyone from reporting a rapist. Mine raped me within days of meeting and carried on over the next two decades. Once a rapist always a rapist.

[Dragonfly]

I wasn’t raped but called 999 when he attacked me. He was arrested, kept in the cells and charged. Of course he lied in court and got away with it. However!!!! This will remain on his file. The next time he attacks anyone this should go some way to corroborate his victim. I for one would not hesitate reporting anything in future. One day he will be convicted and I may help in some way by reporting.

[katielove]

I totally agree with KIP. It is a way of handing over what has happened. It stays on file and could protect someone else in the future.
Mine also raped me within weeks and for the next two years.

[ConfusedAgain]

Hi Hun, I’ve been through this and the police were very supportive, they do ask you a lot of details and take a statement, there is a special unit which deals with this called Sapphire, emotionally at the time I was numb , but I also had counselling which I would absolutely reccommend, I hope this helps.

[yellowblue]

I was rapped cousin a few months ago. I told my mum instantly after, she wants to protect her sister and her families honour so she refuses to support my truth. He has got away with it and I have lost my who family for telling thr truth. I feel like rapists are too clever to ever make the same mistake twice. I just look like the liar. He told thw police it was consensual sex and lied that I touched him so naturally they let him go. He told my entire family he didnt even touch me and thats why the police let him go. I look like the crazy liar. They have my dna and his most likely but wont test it because to them he said phsical contact was made. I wish i could prove to my family somehow and then, im terrible aggrieved that my family dont even believe me.

Feeling alone and issolated. Well done rapist, well done british justice system and well done typical indian family and your shame .

[KIP.]

Yellow blue please get in touch with Rape Crisis. Your story is far too common. Get some good counselling.

[maddog]

I was reminded of a rape which happened decades ago. Lots of water has passed under the bridge since then. I reported it recently. The police were fantastic. He probably won’t be charged unless there are other people he has hurt. At the time I was completely alone and the police wouldn’t have believed me and I feared getting into other trouble. It was horrible.

I have done an interview but had to keep saying I am getting muddled with the current situation.

[KIP.]

Maddog, it’s so hard to join the dots to life before and after abuse but given time the clarity will return. It’s been several years for me and everything is coming back into focus. The lines aren’t so blurred. Well done and hang in there x

[maddog]

I have reported my ex husband too. They said that his former wife would have to come forward herself and that it is me that they will investigate. They will trawl. They will trawl a lot.

[fridges]

I made a call yesterday to the police and ask for more information about process and what i should do in my case?
The woman was listening to me well, and she told me one thing – that it looks I’m not ready yet. But she comforted me that if I decide to come forward and make the statement, they will be investigating and there is no time line for such crime. Like sexual abuse and coercive behaviour, and blackmailing me, and making me forcing to see him and behave a certain way, or my life will be ruined. These are treats, they are real and the fear what he put in me, and all these manipulation.
Is it possible that some women only later come forward with such abuse? As now you are still so fresh, wounded and hurt. Like now all my resources are going on healing everything inside me, to bring more or less my life, my emotional state to the better place, as you are so hurt.
I never let him any near me – if he tries to find me, to contact me or to put the pressure, i will call police.
But i’m not ready to be in the court for years, as i know that what he will do, he will drag me in courts, he will never be willing to admit what he has done, and that he is the abuser, as certain image he keeps for people, certain face. Inside all rotten, with worms. May be it will eat him up one day, his own ugly worms.
And to be reliving all the horror, what he put me through again and again for years. I’m not ready to do it.
Yesterday I told my best friend that he raped me, I have opened up and it was a such big step for me.

[yellowblue]

KIP, I just want some sort of justice, I want the truth out and I want him to be punished. It’s so unfair – support is useless too, just told I am on waiting lists!

[KIP.]

I know how you feel. Karma will get him in the end. These men just cannot help themselves and when his next victim goes to the police, they will say, yes we have another brave victim who spoke up. The law isnt it always on our side but karma is x hang in there. It’s gets easier but it’s sickening how they still walk about like they’ve done nothing wrong. He’s telling lies that will catch him out in the end too. Speak to rape Crisis to get you through this stage until you’re stronger x

[Author]

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