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I recently started counselling and having been talking to my counselor about how I respond to flashbacks.
My current response is normally to recognise that it is a flashback and then get angry with myself for not being able to snap out of it. My counselor pointed out that this wasn’t a very helpful way to respond. She suggested feeling more compassion for myself, but honestly I don’t know how to do that.
What I have thought, in the interim, is that I should come up with a couple of responses that I can just go to when I have a flashback. Something practical, so that when I have a flashback instead of trying to alter my emotions, which is what I currently try and fail to do, making myself angry on the process. The idea is that I could start the thought process “I am having a flashback, but then instead of trying to stop the flashback by thinking about it I instead say “This is a flashback, when I have a flashback I make myself a cup of tea”. And hopefully the act of doing something practical and proactive helps me feel better.
Do you think it could work? And can you think of anything else that might work as a practical “This is what I do” option? A friend suggested a bag of stuff that makes me happy to go to to relax, but most of my flashbacks seem to happen away from home – often at work, or out with friends, so I need some kind of unobtrusive options that don’t require equipment!
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Yes, this is a good way of dealing with it, because it distracts you completely from the flashback.
I wrap myself in a blanket when I have a flashback. That makes me feel safe, as they go together with enormous feelings of anxiety.
Then I distract myself to make it go away.When it happens at work I change my position, go to another room, speak to someone about the weather…
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I put in another post that I had my first trauma counselling last week and we covered how the rational brain shuts down during trauma. We are beginning EMDR. I agree with what you are saying in the meantime as we all have to deal with these traumas however we can but this new therapy really makes sense. I’ve been avoiding things for years for fear of triggers. That’s how I deal with it but I’ve realised until I deal with the trauma and get it out then it will stay with me. The idea behind EMDR is that when we sleep peacefully our eye very subtly jump quickly left to right. It’s called REM. so when you’re in R.E.M. you cannot be in a state of panic at the same time. So by confronting the horrors while tricking our brain to think it’s in R.E.M. We can see that the trauma is simply a bad memory and not a threading memory. It’s hard to explain but we started with a map of the brain and all the decision making processes that shut down with trauma. Rationality, morality, emotions etc. I don’t know why o wasn’t offered this years ago. I think I fell through the net or the NHS don’t know what they’re doing with trauma patients.
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Would second the idea that ‘the NHS don’t know what they are doing with trauma patients’ very much a postcode lottery.
Things I have used include:
– pinching myself
– wearing an elastic band and pinging it
– holding my daughter’s hand
– asking her to pinch me
– going to see an action movie
(which is a bit weird I know but it has distracted me long enough in the past to work)Changing your thoughts,
self compassion meditations all evidence based
buddhist meditations around fear and grief…good luck
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My experience is that the most successful way has been whatever is the most powrful for you personally. I would think tho that for many one of the most powerful might be your children calling ‘Mum’ and needing your attention. Certainly I asked many years ago of my children that if they heard me shouting or needed me to always call ‘Mum’ as there is no better signal to focus me right back in the now
To the lady who hurts herself and asks her children to aswell, please ask them to cry out to you rather than them to hurt you, you have surely suffered enough and need onky kindness. Lots of kindness and comforting to ease the panics and fears.
I know and really disagree with practices of many practitioners who encourage this form of self harm using elastic bands to ping hard on their wrists.
Now is the time to practice finding the soothing way, the way of least harm and most self kindness. Soothibg sounds, smells, sights, whatever they are for you can transport to a wonderduk place of calm, happy memories, and peace
Go well, warmest wishes
TS
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I had some advice from a friend on grounding exercises, she suggested touching a bumpy surface like a brick wall. I have s bumpy sofa and have found it helps to focus on the sensations of stroking the textured surface. She explained when our brains receive this feedback it blocks adrenaline. I use it when having anxious thoughts etc. In public i had an anxiety attack an I have sat in step and stroked pavement and focus on breathing and it helped. I think any distraction is good, with me the flashbacks make my heart pound another solution is to get up and walk off that feeling, (literally to help body break down excess adrenaline).
I’m not sure if that sort of think might help. But be kind to yourself, it will take time x*x
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