returned

[beanyboo22]

Hi I was on the old forum and its took me forever to get back in. Today I had my first meeting with my social worker and she’s putting me and partner on a course each. Apparently he asked her for help but part of me thinks this is just him controlling the situation. Has any else been through this?x

[Lisa]

Hello beanyboo, welcome to the new site it is good to have you along. I hope that your appointment with the social worker went well and you perhaps feel a bit clearer. You know your partner better than anyone and keep listening to your instincts.

As you can see, it is taking a little time to get used to the new site so thank you for your patience.

Best wishes

Lisa

[beanyboo22]

Hi,please can someone please give me advice. I had a meeting with social worker last week,she spoke to me n partner. She already knows about previous sexual abuse while I was asleep and guessd that it was still happening. She said if he stopped when I woke and told him to then its a relationship problem! I feel really confused by this as I thought if I didn’t consent then its illegal. Also,he’s been referred to a domestic violence course,but he keeps saying”you can tell them this n tell them that” when he’s accusing me of cheating or calling me thick,useless or whatever else he says. Now I feel lost. He’s not speaking to me as I turned him down today as he’d accused me Las night again and when I said he’s got a nerve hr said its ok,we’ll have a fresh start,I said no so he said fine-we’ll go bk to how it was last night. He obviously doesn’t give a hoot about me,would have quite happily used me this morning eventho he calls me a s**g??. Advice please.x

[Lisa]

Hi Beanyboo,

I just wanted to show you some support. I am sorry that due to technical difficulties you are not getting as much support as you ordinarily would here on the forum today. It sounds like perhaps your social worker does not have a good understanding of domestic abuse and sexual abuse. Please do have a look at Rape Crisis’s website for some clear definitions of rape at http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk and please know that you can always ask for another social worker if you do not feel that your worker is helping you or has an understanding of your situation.

It sounds like you are much stronger than you think you are and you are realising that this relationship is not healthy or happy. He is an abuser and you deserve so much to be happy. Please know that you can phone the helpline at any time, they will not judge you but may help you to see options that you had not previously considered. Please also get in touch with your local Women’s Aid for some ongoing support as soon as you can.

Please keep posting to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[beanyboo22]

Thank you Lisa. I can’t ring as he’s always with me. (Removed by moderator) was a bad nasty night. He told me to drop dead and if I didn’t then he’d kill me. He’s never hit me but I was afraid (removed by moderator). He called me a prostitute and a Lott of nasty names. I silently cried myself to sleep. This morning he told our children that he had enough and was leaving making me look bad. I’m so so tired and fed up.

[Lisa]

Hi Beanyboo,

I’m really sorry to hear what had happened, that must have been really frightening. It sounds as though the abuse may be escalating as he is making threats to kill you. This is something you can report to the police by calling 101 and asking to speak to the domestic violence unit. A reason for logging it with the police is so that if you need to call them in an emergency in the future they already know that there is current domestic abuse, so they should treat it as urgent. This is of course your choice, and I understand if you don’t feel you can at the moment.

I know it can be really hard to make a phone call if he is very controlling and around all the time, so if you haven’t already you could have a read through The Survivor’s Handbook on this website. It has information about refuge and housing options, your legal rights, injunctions and making a safety plan for leaving or for staying. If you do get any chance when he is not around and you are safe to talk please do call the helpline as I think it would really help you.

It is normal to feel exhausted due to the abuse you are experiencing, so I hope you manage to get some respite. Keep posting, you are not alone.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[beanyboo22]

I’ll try to call but it’ll not be today. Its so awkward today,hes just nothing but sarcastic and I feel so on edge. Thank you for replying. It helps a little knowing I can tell someone. I feel so sorry for the kids too as they can obviously here/see it but just carry on as normal. X

[beanyboo22]

Ps if I ring the police,will they come out just for a threat?

[Lisa]

Hi,
I can’t say for certain if the police would come out or not, however they should enable you to make a statement on your own if that is what you choose. You may be able to just log the threat without any further action. The best way to find out is to call 101 and ask hypothetically what their actions would be (you don’t need to give your name when you call).

In terms of the helpline, it is 24 hours and you can call whenever it is best and safe for you to do so.

Kind Regards,
Lisa

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