Returning to England

[Tweedy]

Hi. I have been married for quite a number of years. I married after meeting a guy on holiday abroad when in hindsight, I was too young to know better. Despite warnings from friends, family and even work colleagues at the time, I moved to his country and have been here ever since. Our marriage has never been perfect, but I made excuses that this was due to our different cultures. I settled well into my adopted country, I learned the language, how to cook the local food and my husband’s family have always been very welcoming towards me. I have built a good career and recently gained professional qualifications. My problem is my husband is becoming increasingly so very very cruel towards me, mentally, physically and controlling my life. I am coming up to retirement age and I wonder if I am just doomed to put up with his cruelty for the rest of my days? I live in a very small island state, so I fear if I was to leave him and try to set up home by myself here, he would just stalk me and make my life hell. I feel my only solution is to move back to England after spending practically all my adult life abroad.
Would any of you know what support, if any, I could receive if I was to return? Am I entitled to housing? Any thoughts any of you may have are very welcome.
Thanks for reading this.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Tweedy

I am very sorry to hear of your situation, and you are certainly not doomed to stay with him for the rest of your days. However, your options, like you say, do depend on what help there is available for you there. Whether as a woman you would receive protections in law from him, and that he be held accountable for his actions were he to stalk and harrass you after a separation.

If you married, what options would there be for divorce there, and would those include potential for restraining orders of any kind as part of the arrangements? Something to consider for yourself, not that you need to share that information on here, especially as your situation is quite unique.

You sound to have done very well, settling in a strange country, with a new family and language, getting a career established and qualifications. It would be such a same to lose out in any way because of his behaviours.

You will have your own instincts about this and be able to predict his future behaviours against you should you leave, which does tend to be a time of increased risk for women leaving abusers.

There are support numbers for international help when fleeing DA, it may be worth calling them for information about your situation, and whether there is something more local to you to refer you to so that you have specifics about your location/laws.

As for your situation should you return to the UK, have you retained british citizenship? Again, not an ask for information, but implications for your situation to consider for yourself and ask the international help line these specifics. There is also a number you can call for Rights of Women, based in London, with specialist legal advisors to give free legal advice for many situations if you look up their numbers. Both numbers are available from the link for support on this forum menu.

Let us know how you get on.

warmest wishes

ts

Click here to go to the international signposting & support

[Twisted Sister]

and this is what it says under the Signposting & Support forum link

Rights of Women: Family Law Advice Line can advise around domestic abuse, divorce, finances, property and child arrangements: 0207 251 6577; Criminal Law Advice Line can advise on criminal law around domestic abuse, harassment, stalking, reporting to the police and the criminal justice system: 020 7251 8887

It would be worthwhile also to call your British Embassy on your island, as they may be able to provide protection and repatriation under your circumstances.

[weather]

Dear Tweedy,

I can only assume from your message that you are in another (detail removed by Moderator) country. I’m mentioning this as I’ve had to move due to employment. I go back to the UK for a shorter duration but know that I can stay for a duration of one month before I have to make tax contributions. I also know that you can seek housing if you’re declared homeless and that you can probably sign on until you find employment. If your credentials are teaching or nursing you’d be able to join an employment agency due to the skills shortages in these sectors. I hope everything works out for you. Take good care, Weather.

[Author]

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