Revelation

[Starmoon]

I feel like I’m having some sort of revaluation…. I’ve been paying for private therapy since summer, after I’d gone back to him and he discarded me. I can’t tell you how nice it is to talk to someone who knows about abuse… she’s been able to tell me that it really was abuse, without me having to to say much at all. I had NHS counselling but they knew little about abuse and I was telling them more than they were telling me, so it didn’t help much… even the freedom program had me convinced he wasn’t abusive because he didn’t seem to fit into the black and white categories…
For all these years, no matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve always believed it was my fault. My Counselor has made me realise how much of a people pleaser I am, how sometimes other peoples behaviour and happiness isn’t always my responsibility… this alone has helped me see that it wasn’t my fault. I’m spending days going over and over the things he did and finally I’m able to make sense of how utterly awful he was to me

[KIP.]

Yes isn’t it wonderful. With this knowledge you can empower yourself and lots of the information you’ve previously heard will sink in and the dots will join. With trauma it takes time for your headspace to return so you may simply not have been able to decipher the information you were being given. You may still have been too triggered. But oh boy. Now you recognise that he did it deliberately and it was never your fault it’s quite shocking that someone we trust would deliberately set out to destroy us. Good riddance to bad rubbish x

[Anonymous]

Congratulations!!! The scales are falling from your eyes and all the hard work is paying off x

[Camel]

Hi Starmoon

Thank you for your lovely post. Most of my life I didn’t think I was a people pleaser. I was thoughtful, a great organiser, in tune, empathetic. And so on.

I had an epiphany like you and realised that it’s OK to ignore other people’s needs. OK to say no. OK to refuse to be the good listener. OK to not be the one in the kitchen while everyone else is dancing in the living room.

If it’s OK for other people then it’s OK for us. x

[Author]

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